Where was I for the past Billion Years?

This is a question that really affects me. Where was I for the billion years of infinity before I came into what I know as my life? It's very bizarre. As far as I know, the universe existed for a very long time before I came into existence. Why is it that I don't have any recollection of anything during all that time of existence?

A big thing to consider about this is whether or not that time actually existed. I mean that time is a very peculiar thing. We all sense it -at least we think we sense it. But there is nothing but a never ending now. There is only the "now" of now.

Ok, the really big question is " When I die, will I go back to that same place I was in for the billion years that I don't remember"?

Harrowing thought.

Endless loops and the Happiness of Sisyphus

I have a definite fascination with Sisyphus and I am even envious of his plight. I will explain the envy at the end of this soliloquy.

Thinking about the plight of Sisyphus gives me an overwhelming sense of irony. First off there is the whole repetition of his quest which is a circle within a circle - that goes on forever. From here you have to start thinking about Sisyphus and how he relates to you and me. The metaphor of him doing his meaningless task on and on is obvious and has been well covered by Camus as far as how it relates to all of us. Is this really what we are all doing? Rolling a nonsensical rock up a hill over and over?

But, lets ask some questions about Sisyphus. The first and most important question is: Is he happy?

That alone starts us on an absurd cycle of further questions. What is happiness? Is there a happiness? Or is there "the" happiness. Is happiness defined by the person? Or can people fool themselves? What the heck is happiness even? A chemical response? A charade? a malleable and ever changing thing?

See what I mean, It's like the typical exploration of anything philosophical. The more you ask the deeper the circles go and the less you realize you know... kinda ticks me off because it feels like I'm rolling a rock up a hill.

Anyway, About Sisyphus and why I envy him.:

At least he knows why he is doing what he is doing.

My Two Biggest fears about the search for the meaning of life

The first fear comes from a novel I read many years ago. It was one of the Larry Niven RingWorld Novels although I can't remember which.

To explain the fear I have to first explain to you what ringworld is.

The ringworld is a ribbon about 100 miles wide that circles all the way around its sun. It revolves to give gravity and on the sides of the ribbon are enormously large walls to keep everything contained. The walls extend up into the clouds. This next graphic shows you what I mean. The image on the right is the ringworld around its sun. Everything, including people and creatures live on the inside surface of the ring.

But here is the interesting thing about ringworld. If you are on the surface of the world you can see the ring far off in the distance as it curves. You can follow it up then back down the opposite horizon. By looking at it you think that it is some kind of structure far off in the distance that crosses the entire sky. But actually its just the ring you are walking on. SO, if you walked toward it you would never actually get to that structure sticking up in the horizon you would just be walking on it.

Now the Fear

There is a heroic character in the novel who has made it his life quest to walk to the structure jutting up on the horizon. He has been doing it for a very long time and will not stop until he gets there. Also, he is taking life extending drugs which extend his life into the thousands of years. SO he continues to walk.

It's a tragic quest for understanding, and it was doomed from the start. Yes there is a structure sticking up on the far horizon but yet there really isn't . It is beyond his ability to comprehend.

So, where does that leave me? Am I on a tragic quest that just can't be known? Is it simply beyond my ability to understand? Dunno, but I do know that my quest is my quest and I will continue.

Okie, That first fear was traumatic enough. I will give you the other fear in a future post.

About the Book The Seekers by Daniel Boorstin

I started into this book with high anticipation. Maybe it would lend me some insight into the meaning of life. After all it goes through some of the great people throughout history. People like Socrates, St Anthony, Aristotle, Kant, Descartes and more.

But I was surpised to see that none of these people really looked for the underlying meaning of existence. They all looked for making sense of life through the world that they lived in. True that all of these figures brought about change in the way the world thought about the world but not in the way that I seek.

some of the bios were interesting and some of them dragged on for too long. Boorstin explained the ups and downs of their lives, the political maneuverings, where they lived, what they did and so on. This all proved the premise that each persons viewpoint on life was shaped by the circumstances in which he lived. And that left out the underlying search for the real meaning of our existence.

I took extensive notes from this book so I could further look into some of them. Here are some snippets.

Socrates - The unexamined life is not worth living
Aristotle - Obsessed with the notion of the changeful world of motion and the unmoved mover (God)
St Anthony - The first hermit the the virtues of the simple life
Herodotus - the father of history, he changed myth into history
Descartes - What path of life should I follow?
John Locke - Sought a definitiion of teh limits of human knowledge and postulated that from experience all knowledge is derived
Hegel - The World Spirit

Hebrew Prophets - reached upward
The Greek Philosophers - Reached inward
The Wheel of Samsara - Life-death-life
The Spanish-Arabic Averroes - There is only a single mind in which all souls participate.


If you would like to help me in my quest to find the meaning of life consider buying this book. Thanks :)