Friday, August 25, 2006

Heartbeats and Bedposts

I was laying in bed last night and it was such a beautiful evening. The window was open and everything was so very quiet except for the gentle rustle of the curtain.

A small sound came to me as I lay there. It was a tick,tick........tick,tick

I lay perfectly still and concentrated on it. It was coming from under the bed near the wall. I lifted my head and it stopped so I lay my head back down again and it started again. Determined not to lose it again I just lay very still and listen to its tiny ticking sound. It sounded like a little piece of wood gently flicking against another piece of wood like a gentle and quiet clicking of a fingernail.

I tried to understand the rhythm of it. Why was it tick, tick.......tick, tick. It was kind of like a heartbeat. And in thinking this I turned my focus in toward myself and listened for the beat of my heart and what I thought was happening was really happening. The gentle beat of my heart was shaking the bed just enough so that where the bottom of the bed post was touching the baseboard on the wall it was grabbing and releasing and with each grab and release it made a tiny ticking sound.

My heart beat on gently and the ticking sound continued until I fell asleep.

It was a set of circumstances that just came together perfectly. A motion that was probably no more than a thousandth of an inch was transformed into a sound that beat with my heart.

I wonder if there is a way I could do this to the whole world. Could I somehow transmit a gentle ticking sound of love from my heart to everyone? If I did, would anybody hear it?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

There should be a great nothingness

There should be a great nothingness. A neverending nothing that takes up no space and no time. Not a blackness but a nothingness.

Yet there is something. We see and feel it. We are here - inexplicably.

THere is a reason why. It is my quest to find this reason.


Maybe its a puzzle who's pieces need to be gathered

I am convinced that nobody knows the answer and this has been a roadblock to me. I have been almost paralyzed by the thought of traveling and meeting people, going to special places and discovering that nobody knows any more about the answer than I do. This brings me to a nihilistic place. Why should I bother to travel and ask? When I already know the answer is "I don't know"? Oh, there are plenty of people out there that will tell you they know the answer. But they don't. If they knew the real answer we would all know it. We are all just staring at shadows in the cave.

But this thought has occurred to me. Maybe there are a multitude of answer-fragments out there. And maybe I need to gather them up and put them together correctly to see the answer.