The Journey and the Destination or the destination is the journey?

Well, Interesting thing I have been going through lately.
You see some eight odd years ago I embarked on my quest to find "The" answer. The real meaning of it all, the  secret to be revealed. And I had a two-pronged attack.
Prong One: Continue with the thinking, reading, searching
Prong Two: Build a business that would give me the means to support my quest. The goal was to build it to the point where I could retire and devote myself to the search.

Well, picking out the business was a tricky thing. I wanted only to engage myself in activities that brought me joy. I know I only have so many hours left and I wanted to use them wisely. That hard line decision was a challenge. There was a period of time where I had to cancel my phone, take my car off the road, turn the heat down to 60 and eat in soup kitchens. True story. But I stood true to the ideal. It's important to me.

Ok, through that fire and a few years later I find myself in a peculiar place. The business is built and doing well. I am probably now at that point where I could retire and  focus on my quest. Really. The business should keep me well until I die. I could walk away  and focus solely on the quest.

But what would I do?  Quit the business that I have grown to love and sit under a bodhi tree? Travel to Tibet? Go see the dalai lama? Seek a meeting with the pope?

And in giving this whole situation a lot of thought something has occurred to me.

I have very much enjoyed the adventure of building a business, and by staying the course to only pursue what gives me joy. It has been a wonderful journey. It's as if Iktomi himself has had a hand in this and sought to grant me the possibility of a small wisdom -Maybe the journey of building something out of sheer love and joy is the meaning of life.

Toys in the attic and the meaning of life

First a story....
I grew up in a pretty typical american setting... suburbs, nice home, local school, christmas mornings, etc. My bedroom had two doors. One door was to the rest of the house and the other door lead up to the attic. Bit of a quirky thing.

Every year, during the holiday season, my parents would make trips up to the attic carrying our christmas presents. They would place them in a pile on the attic floor, cover them with a blanket and lock the attic door behind as they left.

Every year I would sneak up the attic stairs and peek through the keyhole trying to get a glimpse of  the presents. True story. All I ever saw was a blanket draped over things.

So now it's many years later. I am a full grown adult and I am peeking through a keyhole, trying to get a glimpse at something. Still no luck.

Second an insight..... maybe/maybe not

My parents in their wisdom and their love kept the gifts away from me. This is because they knew it was best. My joy would be good if I waited until I crossed that threshold of night into Christmas morning.

So the easy inference here is: Is it the same for the meaning of life?  Will I cross a threshold into revelations and joy?

First the what and then the how of it

This is a bit of a peculiar post and I will try my best to put it all into the proper context.
Typically, from my experience anyway, we are creatures that like to follow a certain process. It's the cause and effect thing.  First see the goal, then figure out how to get there. That sums it up nicely. First understand what it is you want to achieve, then figure out how to achieve it.

This isn't just modern day motivational speaking

This kind of thing goes for every single thing we do/are.

I am hungry - I go searching for food
I am tired - I find a place to sleep
I am bored - I find something to do
I want a home - I build one or get a job then buy one
I don't want to be eaten - I run from the lion

See what I mean? It's a causal chain - And it is a fundamental part of our everyday life. I believe it is a fundamental part of the everything.

So.....
This leads me to the point of this post.

What is the purpose for all this? What is the reason why I am here? What the the thing I am supposed to be achieving?

If I knew that the second half of the causal chain would be easy. I would be able to take the actions needed to move me toward that goal. Even if the action was something as nonaction as meditating on the top of a mountian in Tibet.

Color Blind to the Meaning of Life

To best describe how I feel about this whole quest for the meaning of life I will tell you a little story from my life.

I very clearly remember a heath check up in high school. And that was a very long time ago.  The school nurse administered a variety of tests. One of which was a vision test. Part of that was a series of cards that checked for color blindness. She showed a series of cards with colored bubbles. Embedded in each circle was a number. 12, 6, 24 etc. I easily worked my way through the cards until I got to one that showed no number. I stopped. The nurse stared at me. There was no number. "can you see the number?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "There's a number there?"

"yes" she said. "But that's ok. It is ok if you don't see that one. It's pretty common."

I was thunderstruck by this.

How is it possible for something to be there, to be obvious, yet not be seen?

And this summarizes how I feel about  the secret of everything, the real meaning of it all. The thing we cannot see or feel or know.

Is this the thing? Am I missing something? Is there a tool or a thought or a thing that I don't have that prevents me/us from seeing the secret?

Is it right there and clear as day yet unseen?



The difference between in and of

I get regular email from people. Because of this blog and because of a lot of stuff I have on my website that revolves around my search for the meaning of life.

Almost always the email is from a good and kind person who just wants to help. They always offer advice by telling me about how they get deep meaning and satisfaction in their lives by giving to others, by being with family, by contributing to humanity.

This is all true. We are social creatures, community, family, love, caring and many other things give us a deep sense of meaning in our lives. But.....

But, This really isn't what I mean. I am trying to pull away the curtain, rake my fingers through the air and catch a small corner of the fabric that can't be seen, and tear it down - to gaze upon the secret that can't be known. The mystery that can't be explained. The meaning of life. 

There is a very big difference between in and of.

The Great Storyteller

I have this little tidbit nipping away at me. It is the memory of something I saw or heard. There is a tribe of people somewhere (Zulu?) that believes that the god force is the great storyteller and appreciates story.

Is the everthing not this amazing collection of story?

And there is a beautiful enigma in this for story has no form, no tangible shape, no weight, no height, no molecules. None of the five senses can perceive story yet it can carry an enormous energy and weight - a story can race around the world, change the everything.

It burns within me

It burns within me; the desire to know. It dances in circles around my senses, teasing me, close within my grasp. But I feel that the more I learn the less I know.

I feel that as I grow larger in learning I grow closer to less, and closer to knowing.
It's a delicious yet scary enigma.