I have talked to so many people and everybody is semi interested in the subject; the why and how, the rhyme and reason of it all. I have had many lively discussions that pretty much end up the same. They all quickly flip back into their every day things and I stay rooted in my quest wondering why "we dance around the circle and suppose while the secret sits in the center and knows" -Robert Frost
I don't know why it is such a burning desire in me to know but I can give you an example that shows you. It's a dream I had.
In my city we have a beautiful library. It was built in the 1880's and the back section with all the books is made of glass. The floors and ceilings are glass and all the book racks are glass. It is quite beautiful. I have spent many hours of my life in that library just carefully browsing over everything. I have found some interesting things that I will tell you about in future posts but for now let me return to my point.
One night I had a dream that I was in a library that dwarved all other libraries. It was enormous. I was standing between two glass rows of books and the racks extended very high up and far off to the horizon as far as I could see. This was just one row, there were many other rows.
I was overjoyed at all the knowledge and all the things I would read and learn. Then a thought crept into my thinking. No matter how long I lived, no matter how much I read, I would never even scratch the minutest portion of these books. A great sadness came over me and I wept. And I woke up from that dream weeping and continued to weep. Why is it that there is a great unknowing?
Over the years, with much reflection and much thinking I have come to terms with this failure to know everything by focusing on just one thing. The meaning of who we are and why we are here. I have been dancing around the circle supposing but I am trying to move closer to the center that knows. I believe that all those things to know pale in comparison and are after all just musings from other dancers - thus, just stuff.
-Today I go for a scan of my brain - it might be interesting or it might be dull. I am hoping to get a glimpse of the inside world but in the back of my head I know no insight will be gained. The machine does not see souls or thoughts. It just sees stuff. Anyway I will give my thoughts.
- I will be posting my matrix of meaning at some point. It is all the variables to the quest that I have found so far.
- I am currently reading the Tibetan book of the Dead and I will let you know if that lends any insight.
- I will also be telling you my two greatest fears when it comes to the quest I am on.