The Search For The Meaning of Life

Color Blind to the Meaning of Life

2011-10-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

To best describe how I feel about this whole quest for the meaning of life I will tell you a little story from my life.

I very clearly remember a heath check up in high school. And that was a very long time ago. The school nurse administered a variety of tests. One of which was a vision test. Part of that was a series of cards that checked for color blindness. She showed a series of cards with colored bubbles. Embedded in each circle was a number. 12, 6, 24 etc. I easily worked my way through the cards until I got to one that showed no number. I stopped. The nurse stared at me. There was no number. "can you see the number?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "There's a number there?"

"yes" she said. "But that's ok. It is ok if you don't see that one. It's pretty common."

I was thunderstruck by this.

How is it possible for something to be there, to be obvious, yet not be seen?

And this summarizes how I feel about the secret of everything, the real meaning of it all. The thing we cannot see or feel or know.

Is this the thing? Am I missing something? Is there a tool or a thought or a thing that I don't have that prevents me/us from seeing the secret?

Is it right there and clear as day yet unseen?

The difference between in and of

2011-10-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

I get regular email from people. Because of this blog and because of a lot of stuff I have on my website that revolves around my search for the meaning of life.

Almost always the email is from a good and kind person who just wants to help. They always offer advice by telling me about how they get deep meaning and satisfaction in their lives by giving to others, by being with family, by contributing to humanity.

This is all true. We are social creatures, community, family, love, caring and many other things give us a deep sense of meaning in our lives. But.....

But, This really isn't what I mean. I am trying to pull away the curtain, rake my fingers through the air and catch a small corner of the fabric that can't be seen, and tear it down - to gaze upon the secret that can't be known. The mystery that can't be explained. The meaning of life.

There is a very big difference between in and of.

The Great Storyteller

2011-09-27T17:53:00.001-07:00

I have this little tidbit nipping away at me. It is the memory of something I saw or heard. There is a tribe of people somewhere (Zulu?) that believes that the god force is the great storyteller and appreciates story.

Is the everthing not this amazing collection of story?

And there is a beautiful enigma in this for story has no form, no tangible shape, no weight, no height, no molecules. None of the five senses can perceive story yet it can carry an enormous energy and weight - a story can race around the world, change the everything.

It burns within me

2010-11-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

It burns within me; the desire to know. It dances in circles around my senses, teasing me, close within my grasp. But I feel that the more I learn the less I know.

I feel that as I grow larger in learning I grow closer to less, and closer to knowing.
It's a delicious yet scary enigma.

The Riddle of the Sphinx - a Trip to Egypt

2010-10-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

A note from Will: This is a long blog post. But I really think there is something delicate yet profound in this whole story. I ask you to make a cup of tea and read through this slowly so it can really sink in. If you don't have the time now, or are not feeling relaxed and open then bookmark and comeback later. I think this is worth it. Be happy to hear your comments and thoughts about this whole experience.

I just recently came back from a trip to Egypt and it was a profound experience on a few different levels. I had a variety of goals I wanted to accomplish on the trip including broadening my search for the meaning of it all. First off I embarked on a very fun adventure which is part of my youtube channel. You can check out that quest here on my youtube channel: Ichabod Oddman and the Quest for the Sword of Lightning.

Egypt is a place of power. No doubt about it and for some reason I had a bit of trepidation about the trip. I just didn't know what it was but I tried to be cautious. The same kind of thing happened on my trip to Greece and the Acropolis. That too is a place of great power and I approached it slowly. I didn't actually go up to the top of the Acropolis until my third day. I spent the first two days walking around it, paying a sort of respect to it and seeing the sights around it. It worked well and I planned on doing the same thing with the pyramids and the sphinx.

After my travel day to Cairo I hit the sack and woke up the next day feeling pretty good. I hired a taxi driver for the day and we discussed my plans for all the various places in and around Cairo I wanted to see. I had planned on the Pyramids and the Sphinx on my third day. This would give me time to respect the power and it would give Giza a chance to accept me.
But.... my taxi driver told me that today would be a perfect day to visit the pyramids and sphinx. It was a holiday in Egypt and traffic would be light and there wouldn't be a crowd at the site.

So, against my instincts I agreed to go see the sphinx and pyramid right away, first thing in the morning of my first day.... Bad Idea.......

Maybe it means nothing, maybe it's coincidence, or maybe it is something more but while riding on my camel out to the pyramid site the saddle slipped right off the side of the camel and I fell to the ground hard. I mean hard. This is not a horse. A camel is quite a bit taller than a horse so it was a big fall. I did fall onto the sand of the Sahara which was a good thing and I only got bruised and hurt my knee a bit. But that wasn't the big thing.

The big thing was that the camel, for some reason, turned on me. I found myself looking up at the camel as it quickly turned. It's legs and hooves were flailing and I think it might have been angered or scared. And it might have been either trying to avoid me or trying to kick me.

So , with those big legs and hooves flailing I managed to roll, tumble, and scamper far enough away so it calmed down and just stared at me. - I escaped getting kicked or stomped on which could have been a real disaster. A kick from a fifteen hundred pound camel could be tremendous.

I don't know if it was a lucky break or a misinterpretation on my part but I came though it relatively unharmed. And I rode a horse the rest of the way to the Pyramids and Sphinx.

After that whole thing happened and I had time to think the whole trip changed for the best. I had an uneasy feeling about the whole trip going alll the way back to the states. And getting that incident behind me gave me the feeling that I had passed through something and the rest of the trip would be ok. And I was right. The rest of the trip was great. I felt like a weight had been lifted from me and everything was now ok.

Finally Conferring with the Sphinx

I made my plans to go back to the Sphinx and Pyramids on a later day like I had originally intended. I wanted, in particular, just to sit with the sphinx and talk, ask questions. But a funny thing happened to me along the way to that fourth day.

I spent those days in a hired taxi. It was a great experience for me. I hired one driver to be my guide and chauffer for four days. This way I had the freedom to go anywhere at any time. And well, over those those days the driver and I got to know each other pretty well.

At first it was formal and informative. We mostly talked about Egypt and the various sights and how we could manage my time to accomplish the various goals I had set out for myself. But by the third day we had become traveling companions and we discussed a lot of things including his dreams, his aspirations, his family, his career, and the challenges he is facing as an Egyptian trying to make a living in Cairo. It was quite wonderful and while I got a lot out of Egypt herself I also got a tremendous amount out of the taxi rides.

Anyway, on the fourth day I finally went to confer with the Sphinx in the right way -so we could just sit together and talk; Not only did we converse about me, my life, my quests and the riddle. But we also talked about my taxi driver. I also asked for guidance for his life. And got answers. It was a wonderful experience and afterward, during the drive back to the hotel, the driver and I talked about it at length. It affected him deeply.

This has made me think a lot about the meaning of it all and the real reason why the Sphinx drew me in to visit and talk. Was it just for me? Or was I drawn all the way over to Egypt to help my driver? Or us both?

I can't tell you the questions I asked of the sphinx. Nor can I tell you what we discussed. But I can say that aside from those direct things I learned a profound lesson about people, life, and the threads that bind us all together in this mysterious web.

That star died a million years ago

2010-05-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

I have been working on some telescope projects and it got me thinking about stars and light. It is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around but there are stars that we see that are dead.
Let me explain. You probably already know that the starlight we see isn't in the present - it is the light that emitted from the star a long time ago and if that star is 10,000 light years away then that light we are now receiving left that star 10,000 years ago. Well, we are able to see light from stars that are millions of light years away and this means that right now in our now some of those stars are dead - yet their light continues on through the universe.

Ok, the simile is easy to see and you probably already taken a guess at my point here. Same as the star, once we die, does our light continue on?

Ahh.... nope... .that is way too easy. What I am proposing here is that we look at it a bit differently.

What I am suggesting is, and of course it is just a thought, but what about the possibility that in our current configuration and shape we are not the star .... but the light?

Kafka's thoughts about my search for the meaning of life

2010-02-16T09:10:00.001-08:00

There is no need for you to leave the house. Stay at your table and listen. Don’t even listen, just wait. Don’t even wait, be completely quiet and alone. The world will offer itself to you to be unmasked; it can’t do otherwise; in raptures it will writhe before you.

The Toyota Recall and the Meaning of life

2010-02-02T03:45:00.000-08:00

You are probably asking yourself what possible link there could be between the Toyota Recall and the meaning of life.

Well, my thinking here all revolves around a dream I had last night about the Recall. In my dream I had a toyota and I was with some people and we were trying to get my car in for the recall. Well, the details about the dream, although interesting, are irrelevant. What is important here is the dream itself.

I don't watch much television, I don't watch much news, and the Toyota recall has occupied very little space in my mind. I have caught little snippets of it here and there but that's it. And I rarely dream about real things or real people. So why did I dream about the Toyota Recall?

Well, Is it possible that dreaming isn't just a personal event? Is it possible that there is something going on here? At any one time there are an awful lot of people asleep. They are all in that nether world of sleep and dreams. And if you look at it sideways there is this wave of sleep that washes over the planet, following after the sun.

It's kind of bizarre, yet amazing. If you could do a real time google map of the world as it spins and note the masses of people as they fall asleep it would appear to be this blanket of darkness that just follows around after the sun, people falling asleep in a sort of wave that just perpetually follows the setting of the sun.

Is there something going on there? Did I dream about the Toyota Recall because an awful lot of the world is thinking about it - dreaming about it?

Ok, I don't know why I chose this but this is what I am going to do. Tonight, before I sleep I am going to think about pomegranates. I will contemplate the flavor, look and concept of the pomegranate.

And now that I have planted that seed in your mind let me know what happens. If you have a pomegranate dream tonight send me a comment or email.

Butterflies and Karasses

2010-01-27T04:23:00.000-08:00

I watched a Nova special last night called "The Incredible Journey of the Butterflies". In short it tells about how four generations of butterlies make their way across 2,000 miles in a migration between Mexico and Canada. (and back again).

A couple of things struck me about this. First off, yes, it is quite an accomplishment but the fact that is a repeating multi-generational cycle really got me thinking.

Here is a rough sketch of how this multi-generational task happens:

Generation 1 leaves mexico and adventures into the US and dies along the journey
Generation 2 continues the northward quest
Generation 3 continues northward into Canada and finds the final destination
Generation 4 makes the trek all the way back from Canada to Mexico

Each generation does it's thing and lives it's life as it was "supposed to". And each generation is a critical component of a successful whole, yet totally unaware of the grand plan of the whole thing. ( I can't really speak to the philosphy, wisdom, or Omniscience of butterflies but it's a good guess that they are unaware of the plan)

You can probably see the simile coming but doesn't this seem like it could be plausible when it comes to us human beings?

Is there a grand plan that we are only a part of? A plan that spans more than the 80 or so years of one life?

If that is the case then it begs the question of whether or not I will be able to appreciate this "Grand Plan". Will I still be around as it continues it's unfolding? Or will I have just been food in a spider web somewhere between Mexico and Canada.

It brings to mind Vonnegut's concept of the Karass.

yes, no, maybe so, and I dunno

2010-01-23T08:43:00.000-08:00

I have talked about the importance of asking the right question when it comes to the meaning of life. and in this post I want to shed a little light on that theme.

The point I want to get at is the difference between a person finding and having meaning in their life and something that has been called "Transcendant or Cosmic Meaning".

This branching sheds light onto exactly what I am driving at here.

Everybody finds meaning and meanings in their life. I don't have anything to add to that. That is something defined by the individual. What I am searching for is the possibility that there is a "transcendant" meaning to all of this.

So far I have been able to boil it down to a question that can be asked several ways. Here are two examples:

"Is there a transcendant meaning to all of existence? "or "Why do we and the universe exist?"

Nice, Now we have two options:

1. No
2. Yes

And of course there is always the fine art of dodging the question which gives us some possibilities:

3. Yes... but
4. dunno

This transcendant meaning is something that people have wrestled with for a long time. Here are some proposed answers to the question:

Nietzsche (NO): He believed that life had no transcendant meaning but humans can create their own meanings. This is very much in line with existentialism.
Frankl (YES): Believed that transcendant meaning was something that humans could not create. But they could discover it.
Many Religions (YES, But...): Believe that there is a transcendant meaning but it is not possible for humans to understand it.
Albert Camus: (dunno):"I don’t know whether this world has a meaning that transcends it. But I know that I cannot know that meaning and that it is impossible for me just now to know it."

Let me leave you with a Stephen Hawking quote

"If we find the answer to that, (why it is that we and the universe exist), it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason - for then we would know the mind of God."

hmmm... the search continues..
Am I still at square one?

I get the distinct feeling...

2010-01-21T04:26:00.000-08:00

I get the distinct feeling that there is something we are not understanding; that there is a secret we are not perceiving. An angle we are not viewing....

Part of the riddle and the question we have to ask is whether or not this lack is by design, happenstance, chance, inability or something else.

You know I might possibly be ok with it if it's design, happenstance, chance, or inability. It's the possibility of it being something else that really gets me.

Asking the right question

2010-01-06T06:31:00.000-08:00

The phrase "The Meaning of Life" has become such an over used term. It's almost as if it has become diluted or even a charicature of itself. It's also become a good source of humor. I got to thinking about this phrase and this search for the meaning of life. And I think, as in all other things, the answers you get are very dependant upon the questions you ask. How and what you ask is a factor in your answer.

And one of the big pitfalls of this particular phrase is the often assumed meaning of "meaning in life" Many people hear the question and automatically jump to " Everyone must find their own meaning in life" or "Everyone is an individual so the meaning will be different". Some more common answers are: "I find deep meaning in caring for my children" or "Giving to others", "Helping mankind" .
These things are all wonderful and I believe in them. They do add meaning to life, but, this isn't what I am getting at with my search. The search for meaning in life has been well thought out by brighter minds than mine (Man's Search for Meaning) .

So, I have been thinking that maybe the words and rthe question "The Search for the meaning of life". needs to be refined, tweaked or even changed. Maybe something akin to "What is the purpose of life? or What is the reason for life? maybe What is the mystery of life?
What is the secret that we don't understand about life?
What is this thing I really don't understand?
What am I and what is life all about?

Anyway, I have a feeling that when I find the right question I might find the answer.
-Will

47 Minutes to think about

2009-12-30T06:40:00.001-08:00

On the radio I heard a short snippet about a man in a hospital who was dead for 47 minutes before being revived. story here And wow does this bring up a lot of questions. Here are some of my thoughts on what this incident means:

1. wysiwig - What you see is what you get: We are simply biological functions, nothing more and when you are dead you are dead, your memories and essence are gone.

2. Thinking about time: There is a longer period of time before you pass into another realm of existence and it is more than 47 minutes. (This brings up the question of where you are during this time. Maybe the same place you go when you sleep?)

3. You can travel back and forth between this place and that place. We just don't know how, or we don't do it much, or when we do, or when in one place we have no recollection of the other. Did joe spend 47 minutes in an afterlife and doesn't remember?

4. Time is irrelevant: This is hard to grasp but time, being a major focus of this essay, is actually irrelevant. How long you are dead is not important because it doesn't equate in the other life. Although the concept of eternity does kink that up a bit.

5. The unknown and unthought solution: This one really ticks me off because it is probably the right one. Maybe the answer lies in something that I cannot grasp, don't even have an inkling of a shadow of a clue about.

addendum: It will be interesting to see whatever becomes of the people cryonically frozen at Alcor But then again, if any of them are brought back to "life" will it really answer any questions?

First Snow

2009-12-05T19:01:00.000-08:00

Ever wonder why

2009-12-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder why you do the things you do?

Where was I for the past Billion Years?

2009-11-21T10:50:00.000-08:00

This is a question that really affects me. Where was I for the billion years of infinity before I came into what I know as my life? It's very bizarre. As far as I know, the universe existed for a very long time before I came into existence. Why is it that I don't have any recollection of anything during all that time of existence?

A big thing to consider about this is whether or not that time actually existed. I mean that time is a very peculiar thing. We all sense it -at least we think we sense it. But there is nothing but a never ending now. There is only the "now" of now.

Ok, the really big question is " When I die, will I go back to that same place I was in for the billion years that I don't remember"?

Harrowing thought.

Endless strains of meaningless crap

2009-11-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

I have three thoughts for you today.

It is an absolutely beautiful day here in New England, even a bit blustery. The trees are giving up the last of their colored leaves and winter is being prepared for. These three thoughts came to me during my walk.

First thought: Why is it that thoughts come so easily to me when I walk? I don't think this is just peculiar to me. I think it is a human thing. We walk and think. They seem to go very well together. The simple act of walking gently invigorates the mind. And, it's funny how people don't walk like they used to walk. Everybody drives. Kind of a shame. This theme reminds me of a short essay I wrote entitled: A Walk in the Snickering rain.

Second thought: This one addressess the title of this post. We, as humans, occupy ourselves with an awful lot of stuff. I mean that there are endless strains of amusements and thoughts and other things. We seem to spend a lot of time on things that aren't really important. Seriously. Why do we waste so much of our lives on things that don't matter? You know what I am talking about. You do it too. We all do it - spend an inordinate amount of time and energy on things that matter so little - car, tv, bills, what people think, things, on and on and on and on. When it comes down to it what is really important?
Now before you say "Family". I just want to say what about the big question? What the heck is this all about? Doesn't anybody spend any time on that?
In any pursuit one of the most important things you have to ask yourself is "What is my outcome?" It is important to ask yourself this question so you can get a clear grasp of what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you should do it.
Doesn't this apply to life too? Whats your outcome?

Thought three: I am really stuck on the whole subject of Michael Crichton. I have been an admirer of his for most of my life and I can't get over his death. He was a life long learner and explorer- not just a writer. He explored life on many different levels and he laid this out in his book "Travels". In that book he talks about his travels through life both external and internal. He lays out his attempts to explain the unexplained. Well, this got me thinking that maybe there are clues in that book. I am going to have to re-read it and see what comes. Maybe he laid out a way to contact him after he passed. Interesting thought.

thlcci ekd an le alciene n ne ulandafl

2009-10-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

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An Endless loop of Gods - and why my cat sits on the radiator

2009-09-25T03:30:00.000-07:00

I was listening to a radio program that had Erich von Daniken as the guest speaker and he said something that I thought was very profound and interesting. This is a small excerpt here:

"The Creation of the Spirit of Creation"

This statement brings up a lot of thoughts. First off it makes me wonder about the nature of creation and how it seems to almost be the all of everything. The creative force is an amazing thing and it lies at the very heart of the mystery. It is one of those things that sits in the center and knows while we dance around the circle and suppose.

But the real profundity of the statement is the implication of the creation of god. Let's assume that God created the universe. God had this desire to create and God created. But what instilled in God the desire to create? What created the spirit of creation? Was it a God that created God? Is there an endless loop of Gods? Does this circle go on forever? It's a paradox and paradoxes are something that I will be exploring in further posts.

Is what we think of as God simply "The Creative Force in the Universe?" The Force that through the Green fuse shoots the flower?

Is there a God?

Is there an endless loop of Gods?

Or is it all something we simply cannot fathom?

And that last question brings me to my cat and the radiator.

It is Autumn here in New England and the mornings are getting brisk. There is a beautiful chill in the morning air. This morning chill re-ignites a seasonal pattern in my cat. He sits on top of the radiator in the kitchen because it is nice and warm. He enjoys the warmth of it. Does he have any clue about what all had to be created and what all had to happen for that radiator to be warmed? Nope, He doesn't understand any of it and he is incapable of understanding how the Gas company pipes gas to my house and how the boiler in the basement warms up water and how the water circulates through pipes and passes through the radiator giving it a soft and comfortable warmth.

Nor does he understand that I keep all of this in motion by paying the gas bill and by adjusting the thermostat.

Nope, he doesn't understand any of that.... yet he enjoys it and, in the way of cats, he appreciates it.

And what does this all lead us to? I am not really sure because as in just about every other post on this blog I end up with more question marks than I expected. But, The sun is shining outside and it's burning away the morning briskness and I think that maybe I will just go outside for a walk and enjoy the sunshine on my face.

-----------------------------

Next post: I just recently returned from a trip to Greece and one of the things I visited was the Oracle at Delphi. This is the place that the Ancient Greeks considered to be the Center of the Universe. I will be posting pictures and my thoughts about the experience and the place.

A World Without Keys

2009-08-25T10:31:00.001-07:00

A World Without Keys - I stopped in a shopping center one morning to get myself a cup of coffee from a Dunkin Donuts. As I was walking back to the car I stepped on something. Looking down I saw a key. It appeared to have been run over a few times and the key ring was pretty rusty.

It started me thinking about the simple deception that a key is. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was no need for keys in this world?

But, regrettably, there are keys. And it leads me to the very scary thought that everything we see is all there is. It leads me to the thought that we are just biological units that live then die and that's it. We are simply units in a chain of meat that is vying for natural resources, nothing more and nothing less. And this is why the need for keys. Because natural resources are precious and must be guarded. After all, sitting in my ivory tower I must admit, or at least acknowledge, that people die of starvation every day. And if I am to be sure I do not follow in that path I must use a key to lock away things, hide them and protect them from others. The implications are saddening. . .

To Bahai or not Bahai

2009-07-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have had this book for years, nay decades and it remains one of my favorites simply because of the profundity offered inside. You have never read a book like this. It takes a child-like wonderment look at it all.

A Note to Guy Murchie: If you are out there somewhere, or in there somewhere, or around here somewhere, or still exist in some shape or form of thought or being and you can hear me then I want to say thanks for this wonderful gift of a book:

The Seven Mysteries of Life

There is great love here for you, we are complete.

2009-06-18T04:47:00.000-07:00

This is quite possibly the most profound 2 minutes I have ever come unto...

Sunder Warumbe

2009-05-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

Circles within Circles

2009-05-17T05:07:00.000-07:00

Its a basic contradiction of my quest for the meaning of life.

Every post I write and every thought I think when it comes to this big riddle we are all involved in is that each postulation brings about at least two more questions.

Its a paradox but every thought brings up more questions. Is there a point where the questions start to get answered? Does this never ending cycle of questions fold down into a vortex where a single answer can be found?

dunno, hope so

That last post with the golden ball of spirit brought up a whole mess of ideas and questions. I don't even want to write about them. It seems pointless.

Epiphany on a bus... or maybe not

2009-05-17T04:47:00.000-07:00

I was riding on a bus and just enjoying the undulating countryside and I was thinking about people. All these people in this world -wow, there are so many of us. Each one different and each one living his or her life. It is really amazing. This brought a few thoughts to mind. And, of course, a few questions.
What are all these people? Are they all just biological functions?

Well, I had this image in my mind of all these golden globes of beautiful light floating along the country side; seated inside homes, sitting on the other seats of the bus, walking along the streets and paths, up and down escalators and elevators.

I pictured everyone as a beautiful glowing globe of spirit - a soul if you may.

It felt good to visualize the people of the world this way. And its a pretty common thing to think about. I haven't revealed anything new here.

But I did want to say something about this. Where the heck is this glowing globe of beautiful golden light? Why can't I really feel it? If it is so beautiful and so wonderful, and if we really are spiritual beings having a human experience why is it so well hidden?

A Dream of a Dragon Swallowing the Moon

2009-05-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

Its a peculiar thing but it is absolutely true.

If you have been reading this blog you know that I have just recently returned from a trip to Japan. It was a wonderful trip and I had a lot of reasons for going. And I am not even going to get into the peculiar thread of circumstances that created my adventure and trip to the land of the Rising Sun.

But I do want to talk about one particular event.

It was my very first night/day in Japan. I had just finished a marathon of planes, trains, airports, buses and what not. The whole thing from doorstep to doorstep was about 31 hours. I started my journey at 5am and finally reached my first resting point in Japan at about 11pm Japanese time which made it noon time the next day back home.

Anyway, On that first night, I went outside to enjoy the beautiful tropical evening (Quite a contrast from New England at the time because it was 35 degree when I left and felt like it could snow)
And I was just enjoying the smell and feel of Japan. I was basking in the wonder of how quickly I had traveled all the way around the world and in the wonder of how very different Japan was - even in the little things.

Well, to the point here. I looked up at the sky to verify that the moon, ever constant, was still the same regardless of where I was on the Earth. And I was taken aback in almost shock.

Before my very eyes a large cloud formation was in the shape of a big Japanese/Chinese Dragon, complete with horns and a long undulating body. And its mouth was open and I watched in utter disbelief and shock as this dragon swallowed the moon.

Now wait just a second here. What I saw was not a cloud that kind of looked like the shape of a dragon. It was the most remarkable thing I have ever seen. The darn cloud looked like a dragon. I am earnest here. I simply could not believe my eyes and I had to wonder if I was hallucinating from the long and arduous journey I had just completed.

But it took its time and it gave me plenty of time to verify and re-verify what I was seeing. It was a big ole dragon with its mouth wide open and it just slowly swallowed the moon. It took a couple of minutes and I just stared at it in rapt awe.

Was this some kind of a message? Was there a meaning in this? It's been bothering me ever since and I have thought about this incident many times since I got back. And while I was there I gave it a lot of thought.

Now Onto the Quest for a Sword

One of the things I really wanted to do while I was there was to buy an actual samurai sword that was made there. It was a very personal quest and I had a lot of trouble at first. I had no clue as to where to go to get one and it took me over a week just to figure things out. Anyway, I was in this one particular shop (the picture below is of the shop, the evening before I had arrived just a half hour after they closed)

Anyway, I was in the shop, and it wasn't the first one I had been in to look at the swords - and there it was, a beautiful Samurai sword with a hand painted dragon on it; and it looked to me like there was something near the head of the dragon that was either the moon or a cloud of smoke. Nevertheless, it struck me pretty hard. Was this the reason for my vision? Was this sword a manifestation of what I had seen? Was the vision of the dragon swallowing the moon a message to me to buy this particular sword? Whatever was going on it was uncanny and well, I bought the sword and had it shipped home.

Now, for the rest of my trip a sense of relief had come over me. It seemed right that the vision of the dragon lead me to this particular sword and everything had fallen into place. But something has been nagging at me. I have been wondering if there is something more to this?

If you have any thoughts on this I would be glad to hear them. And if you have some expertise on Japanese/Asian folklore or fables I would love to hear what your opinion and thoughts are about my vision, the dragon, the moon and my samurai sword.

Here are two pictures of the actual sword I bought:

East Meets West

I get the sense that us westerners tend to scoff at stuff like this. - bah , you saw a shape of a cloud that looked like a dragon, big deal? and it happened to pass over the moon, whoop tee doo. You were thinking about it all week and the first thing you saw with a dragon on it made you think it was a messaage bah! Just read your Jung, its plain old synchronicity without any hidden meaning.

But, the eastern philosophies, and a heck of a lot of other philosophies for that matter, wouldn't agree with this scoffing. The mysteries and the messages abound, we usually just don't pick up on them.

A Dream Within a Dream

2009-05-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

The Philosophers Walk in Kyoto Japan

2009-04-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

I have so much to say about this little span of time in my life but let me see if I can titrate it down a bit. About travel: I have mixed feelings about travel when it comes to questing for the meaning of life and I have talked about this before. First off, it is difficult to get philosophical when you travel - you are just not in the right frame of mind (quiet) There is just too much to absorb and too much new going on. Second, I do believe that travel can help with the quest to find the meaning of life but only after you get back home and take time to contemplate what you saw, learned and discovered.

Anyhoo about the actual philopher's walk in Kyoto:

I spent a few minutes being smug because it was just a bunch of tourists all being smug at how smart they are. We all kept glancing at each other trying to show how smart we were to be philosophising about the meaning of life. I guess I am just human like everybody else :) Anyway, I took my time and walked the path and earnestly tried to contemplate the meaning of it all. I came up with no reveleations but I did take this one little video... hmm... makes you wonder.

About the Philosphers Walk:It was a daily path along a small canal that the philospher Nishida Kitaro (1870-1945) would walk and contemplate philosphical things. He was a professor at Kyoto University. His work was predominanlty involved in a merging of Eastern and Western philosophies. Its a beautiful walk and the canal is lined with Cherry blossoms that bloom in Mid April. They say that when these cherry blossoms bloom this is quite possibly the most beautiful spot in all of Japan.

Triangulating on the elusive woodpecker

2009-03-29T05:02:00.000-07:00

Off in the distance i heard the striking of a woodpecker. And the thing about this is that there really was no way for me to find out exactly where it was without moving. From a single perspective it is not possible to find it.

My ears can give me a rough line to it but depth is another issue.

So, to find the woodpecker I had to move to another spot so I could "triangulate" on it and get a better sense of where it was.

Is this the same thing with the meaning of life? Is it not possible to find the elusive hammering of an answer from only one perspective?

This particular riddle might be perfectly fine with me - I have no problem seeking out, finding, observing and feeling from as many perspectives it takes but..... What if all of these perspectives, in this current life as I know it are actually just one perspective?

This leads us to think that the only way to get another perspective is to cross that cloudy veil into the next. (If there even is a "next"). Hmm... For that matter what if I am the woodpecker?

Should I stay or Should I go?

2009-03-16T05:29:00.001-07:00

Should I Stay Or Should I Go is the title for an old song by the Clash and it's fitting for what I want to talk about in this post.

It is a neverending question that spins around philosophers. Do you search for the meaning of life within yourself or do you travel and quest to find it? Of course it seems to me that both are necessary. And Paolo Coelho, in his famous book The Alchemist he lays out an excellent answer to this question. And I won't tell you about what he says or how he says it just in case you want to read the book and discover for yourself.

But I want to propose that both are absolutely necessary and here are my arguments for the case.

What would you be like if you were born in a cardboard box? ( The Box Man: A Novel )
And your whole life you lived in this box? The sum total of your experience would be what you experienced within the four cardboard walls. What would your internal dialogue be like? What information had you gathered to help you understand yourself and the world? For one thing the world is, to your experience very simple and small, corrugated and smelling of processed paper.

So, this is a good argument for adventuring out into the world and gathering data and experiences, of which in this world, there is an abundance. And this experiencing isn't just hedonistic. They are important because they enrich you and make you more capable.

But it goes beyond this. Because I believe there are places in the world that are something more than they appear to be. There are places in this world where the wall between what is, and what appears to be, is very thin. The ancient Celts had a name for places like this. They called them thin places.

So, you need both the internal and the external, and the two have to compliment and help each other. You can't just sit in one place and discover the truth and you can't just adventure out looking for the truth. This is the truth.

About Thin Places

I have been working on my third novel for quite a while now and it will be finished soon, the pieces are falling together. But, what I want to say is that well before I heard about thin places A portion of my novel takes place in this large stone structure that juts up into the air. At the top of this structure is a monastery. In the novel I call it Speyer after a town in Germany.

The thing about this place is that I thought I created it on my own. And its a funny thing how just a few days ago I discovered a thin place called Skellig Michael in Ireland. And it has me wondering, because I am Irish, if there is something more to what I have written down in my novel. Is it just a coincidence that I "created" my own Skellig Michael? Or have I been there before?

Anyway, It is now on my list of places to visit.

Being Michael Crichton

2009-03-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

There is this great little indy film called "Being John Malkovich". It is a wonderful, quirky and insightful movie where the characters actually find a doorway right into John Malkovich's head. I read somewhere that they were making the movie and when John Malkovich heard about it he volunteered to join in the production. Anyway its a great movie.

But, I am envisioning a movie called "Being Michael Crichton". This comes about because of his recent battle and death to cancer. He was quite an amazing man who did a lot of fantastic things including directing movies, writing blockbuster books and graduating from Harvard as a medical doctor. He had the curiosity to deeply look into many things and the courage to say and do what he believed was right.

I always felt a bit of a kinship with him, I am not sure why, but since I read "The Andromeda Strain" at some point in the early seventies. He went on to pen such amazing works as Jurassic Park.

Now to the point:

Of all the things he has done and written there is one, in my mind, that stands above everything else. It is one of his lesser known books called "Travels". It is a very personal account about his life and his travels in this world in exploration of the external world and in an attempt to uncover the mystery or possibility of another world. Its a remarkable book and I believe it is the only one where we get a real peek at Michael. He was a very private person when it came to his own life.

Anyway, this book had a profound effect on me and I am going to re-read it to see what further insights I can gain from him and his quest to find an answer.

Battling the inevitability of my eyes

2009-03-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

When I got to a certain age I started having a little bit of trouble with my vision. I am a heavy reader and this was quite a challenge for me. Right around the time my vision started giving me trouble two people I know, who are the same age as me also started having trouble with their vision. We all ended up getting glasses around the same time.

What's my point here?

Well, this little coincidence got me thinking. Is something going on here? Or is it just a coincidence? I did some research and sure enough, if you have had normal vision eyes since birth it is pretty certain that your vision will deteriorate at a very specific and linear rate. An ophthamologist can tell how old you are by examining your eyes or by just looking at your prescription.

This is mind boggling to me. What is the purpose of this? Why all these changes as we age? Skin, organs, eyesight, hearing, teeth. The whole shooting match. Why the decline? What is the purpose that is being served here?

Ok, this is no big revelation. But the thinking here is that nature always finds the optimal solution and it seems to be a pretty optimal solution to insure no individual of a species lives too long. It is necessary, for flexibility in the species, for new individuals to enter the stream.

That's the easy answer. But are there other possible answers?

How about the "Everybody gets a turn answer?"

It sounds silly but it could be true. The plan could be to give everybody a turn at the mystery and the miracle of life. Why not? Kind of like a pass on the roller coaster. Hey, you had your turn now step aside and let somebody else ride!

Horseshoes, Sneakers, and the Meaning of Life

2009-03-12T02:51:00.001-07:00

Horseshoes, Sneakers, and the search for the meaning of life

It is common knowledge that nature finds elegant solutions to problems and amazing answers to questions. This ability of nature is evident in every aspect of life and the lessons nature has for us are manifold - from the mathematical patterns that ants follow in their foraging to the amazing navigation of bees, to the structure and strength of balsa wood and bamboo.

I could go on and on about the solutions nature has found to problems but you already know all about it. We are all aware of the fact. And we have only begun to scratch the surface when it comes to seeing the ways nature has solved problems.

Of course, this is what the sneakers are about.

I have these really great pair of sneakers that are comfortable and feel really good to run in. They were a gift and I didn't at first realize they were horseshoe shaped underneath - until one morning when I ran in a light coating of snow. Upon a second lap I noticed the horseshoes!

They seem to be very well designed and very comfortable. And an interesting thing about them is the very subtle clip-clopping sound my feet make as I run. It seems to be a kind of feedback and I can get a good sense for the evenness of my running by this subtle clip-clopping. It makes me wonder if horses use their ears to monitor and correct their running?

But, About man and nature:

I do have a couple of criticisms about these sneakers though. First off, in the picture you can see that the horseshoes are backwards! The open end is toward the front.. hmmmm.... And secondly, a horseshoe is not a creation of nature, it is a man made invention that is put on the foot of a horse. I am willing to bet that a sneaker designed after a real horses foot would be even better than the horse shoe design. Just a thought.

Now on to the Chatauqua

There are two distinct parts to this. The first part is the obvious part and in the second part I will be a bit more penetrating.

What nature has to say about the meaning of life

First Part: First of all she says to live according to how you are supposed to live, do the things you were meant to do, in the ways you were meant to do them. Second, be the piece of the puzzle you were meant to be, the good of the whole is good for you too. Eat, sleep, drink, procreate, be fecund, contribute to the circle in the way you do. All of this is easy but is there more?

Second Part: Yes, I believe there is more. I believe you should be grateful and thankful for this mystery and this existence. And this is evident in nature. I have a reasonable proof of creatures actually being grateful here (The thankyou bird)

And you should enjoy and appreciate the mystery of life and your existence in it. I am certain that my cat diitto does. He really revels in the joy of his life and the beauty of things, particularly in springtime. The philosophers Garden

Now for the really hard question. What is the "purpose" of all this? Is it simply to be? Is it to enjoy and appreciate the gift? Is it something more? Is it much less? What is nature showing us?

Will I die when I find the answer?

2009-03-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

I have been on my quest for many years now and the idea that I will die when I discover the answer to the meaning of life has crossed my mind many times. It's an interesting and very weighty idea. And a bit of a paradox.

Here are some variations on this theme:

Fulfillment of my quest: This is the biggest thing. Often I could consider that when I discover the answer my role here is complete and it's time to move on. Of course that is conjecture because I don't really know if there is anyplace to move on to. I would imagine the answer would answer this question. or maybe it wouldn't.

The quest is the meaning - I definitely do not like this one at all. It says that the meaning of life is the quest itself. Robert Pirsig sums it up pretty well: "Life is not about getting to the top of the mountain, all the life and beauty is along the side and the climb". That's a rough paraphrase of how I remember it anyway. If this were the case I probably would die, of heartbreak. Seems too pedestrian to me.

A Revelation before dying - I also have this thought that each person, just before dying, is revealed the meaning and answer to everything. Seems like a neat package with a great bow but beats me if its true. If it is true I haven't been able to verify it seeing as I am unable to talk to anyone who has been there. And it brings up the added thought that I am attempting to short-circuit the way it is meant to be. If the revelation comes just before or during death then is my search wrong? Will my answer come to me in time (of my dying?) And if I found the answer sooner would I then force the hand and die?

Here is how I feel about the whole question raised in this post.

About a month ago I injured my right calf during a run one morning. It's one of the risks of running in very cold and icy conditions. While it still bothers me, I haven't stopped running. I get out there every morning. Why? Because If I stop to let it supposedly heal, I may fall into the rut of not running and never start up again. Or worse, once it heals I may not run again for fear of a re injury. And that fear is not something I will allow. Same goes for my quest. I will not allow the fear of dying to stop me from questing. Especially seeing as It's only conjecture. Anyhoo, Like Percival I must continue on in my search for this grail of grails.

Wisdom, Truth, Honesty and Ethical Dilemmas

2009-03-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

Being a seeker of the ultimate truth and the ultimate answer I often puzzle over ethical dilemmas. First off there is always the question of if there is a higher truth to things. I mean that a lot of ethics and morals are based in societal needs. There are a lot of ways we act and think in order to keep the harmony in society. And these values change over time and vary from society to society. As an example some cultures don't mind picture taking but some cultures consider it very taboo to take a persons picture without permission. And some cultures don't permit it at all.

Before you jump and say "when in Rome you follow the Roman rules" I just want to say that this is not my real point. My real point is the question of if there are ethical rules that go above all else and are universal. And by universal I mean the whole tootin universe.

Let me get to my point here. It is a theory I have called "Path Interruption" and it applies to conscious beings (but then again I am not going to say a rock is devoid of consciousness, who knows right?)

Path Interruption

I feel that a potential universal ethic is that of awareness of path interruption. I think that every human being is on his or her own path and he or she must find and follow that path. And, you as a person have to be very careful about that path. You have very limited right to interrupt that path in any way. This ties in very nicely with the ethics of hurting someone else which is bad according to path interruption. You have changed their path. And forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is also a bad form of path interruption.

Now, what about ethical dilemmas and path interruption.

This brings to mind a pretty common psychological test. In the test the subject is told that they are watching some railroad tracks and a train is coming. Now the subject can see three people working on the tracks and they have no idea the train is coming. They are wearing hearing protection and the train will run them right over - it is certain that they will die. Now the subject as an observer of this is right near a track switch where the switch can be thrown and the train will change tracks and avoid the three workers, but, on the other track there is one person and this person will be killed. hmmm... interesting ethical dilemma. So what would you do?

Often times people will choose to kill the one person because its better to save three than one. But, how does the theory of path interruption fit into this? If you do nothing, three people die, true but if you take action one person will die - the difference being that you have taken action and in effect you have, by your action, killed this person.

So, what is the absolute right thing to do? Do you get a karmic point bonus for saving a persons life? Or do you get a karmic minus for killing somebody? Does it really matter?

(The interesting thing to remember is that the choice you make determines the path you take)

So, is it ok to just be an observer in other peoples lives, or is it right to take action based on what you feel is right? I am sure if you asked that one man standing on the railroad tracks alone he would give you a very strong opinion about what you should do and how you shouldn't interrupt his path by throwing the switch.

Where does wisdom fit into this?

I have always considered wisdom to be very important however intangible it is. A good portion of wisdom comes from experience and understanding that many of the rules we live by are not set in titanium. They are good in most cases but sometimes it is best for all parties involved to not follow the rules. This is wisdom on the level of society. But what about the ultimate ethics and wisdom? What is it and how do we acquire it? Or is there even no such thing?

Half a Sufi?

2009-03-03T05:42:00.000-08:00

I am not an expert on Sufism but it does seem rather interesting to me. There of course a lot written about it but I will give you my nutshell thoughts on what it is and what it means.

It pretty much can be boiled down to two points, I think.

The first point is the search for truth - and I really like this point which is not unexpected seeing as what this blog is all about and that truth is the thing I seek. So this part of Sufism is something I really like.

But, the second part of sufism is the rub for me. I kind of can sum it up by saying it is all about moving toward enlightenment or purity or a oneness with everything and with god or the god force, or the soul and spirit of the everything.

Now, it seems to me that there is a basic contradiction there - And to point that out let me pose you a question. What if we are perfection? What if there is no need for striving toward anything? What if we are the perfect in every way? If this is the case then the second half of Sufism is not really valid. And the first half hasn't been successfully accomplished because we didn't see that.

Interesting conundrum there. Nonetheless, I am not saying I am right. I have to stick to the golden rule, but what If I am? The implications are staggering.

SO It is possible that I am half a sufi. And if I were to discover the truth (that we need to strive toward) then I guess I would be a whole sufi because I would surely strive toward it.

Okie, Tomorrow I have another interesting essay called " Wisdom, truth, honesty, and the ethical dilemma.

I am heading to Japan and looking for suggestions

2009-03-02T06:28:00.000-08:00

I am booked, paid for and all set. I am heading to Japan for a while. The funny thing is that I am going there for reasons other than my quest for the answer to the meaning of life. But, as wonderful and mysterious as the world is I can fold my quest right into the trip. But I don't really know much about Japan, Japanese culture or even Japanese Philosophy. So I have to do some research before I depart. I have some time to do this.

I thought maybe you could give me advice on what to see and what to visit that will help enrich me on my path to enlightenment. Do you know of any special places there that I should visit? Are there any must sees when it comes to the meaning of life, philosophy, religion and wisdom?

Any insight you can lend me will be greatly appreciated. - and even the fact that you are reading my blog is greatly appreciated !!

Thanks - you can email me privately or just post comments. I don't want to say exactly when I am going or how long I will be there - its just prudent internet security :)

A Golden Airplane or Why is my Bubble so Small?

2009-02-28T05:27:00.000-08:00

Every morning I go for a run -early, before the sunrise. It's a beautiful time, quiet, and it's just me, the birds, and a few squirrels.

During the morning, around the same time; before the sun has broken the horizon yet is illuminating the sky above, I see a golden airplane. Being that high up in the sky it catches the rays of golden sun and shines quite beautifully.

I see the plane at the same time every weekday and I don't see it on weekends. It must be some kind of commuter plane coming from Boston and heading off to who knows where.

There are two things that strike me about this. First off I have to ponder the fact that it is quite beautiful in a couple of different ways. The way it glints in the sunlight with a golden color is breathtaking as it slowly traverses across my sky. Second, I have to marvel in awe at the remarkable thing that is an airplane. There are a whole lot of people sitting in that thing right at that moment and heading off to a place.

This is where my bubble comes it.

I live in a bubble of awareness. I can only see a certain distance and if I don't look up toward the sky that distance is quite small. And when it comes to hearing my bubble is even smaller. I can only hear within a certain radius and become aware of sounds that are in the distance only if they have the will to be strong and loud.

So, why is my bubble so small? I read somewhere that the human mind can only process something like 110 bits of information per second. I can't recollect how accurate that is but it makes me think that there are two very different things going on here. There is a duality, a shifting between two different things.

True, my bubble of the perceived world is only a certain size, yet, as I watch that golden airplane fly past I can put myself inside it. I can visualize the seats, the rows, the people all sitting and doing different things. I can watch as the stewardess shows us all how to fasten our seat belts and I can see her hand motions as the points toward the emergency exits.

Now, this changes everything about the size of my bubble.

I have, in effect, this enormous bubble inside my head. It is an accumulation of life experiences and I can draw upon it and even manipulate it. - And by manipulate I mean I can re-assemble things and try new configurations. Heres an example:

I am on that commuter flight from Boston to wherever it goes and I am laughing because it was a real event. Boarding was quite astonishing because one of the passengers brought a baby elephant. We all laughed as they stewardesses struggled to get it through the doorway of the plane. It eventually squeezed through and now it is sitting in one of the rows near its owner. We were all laughing at first but now its just not as funny because, frankly, the thing doesn't smell too good and because I am sitting next to it I have to keep getting up to help people climb over it to get to the bathroom in the back.

See how my experiences can be manipulated and changed? What is this act of creation that is going on? How has my bubble grown so large?

This came out of experiences that I have had. But here is the rub: What about the things I don't know and the experiences I have never had? What about the things I don't know and the things that I have never seen? And the things I don't even know I don't know? Is there something very important that I am missing, overlooking, or just not seeing?

hmmm....

Regardless of the things I miss there is something magnificent going on here. Is is truly that my bubble has the ability to encompass everything? Or is the everything that I can create and experience just an illusion?

For my own part, I have never had a thought
which I could not set down in words
With even more distinctness that which I conceived it.
There is however a class of fancies of exquisite delicacy
which are not thoughts and to which as yet
I have found it absolutely impossible to adapt to language.
These fancies arise in the soul,
Alas how rarely, only at epochs
of most intense tranquility
when the bodily and mental health are in perfection.
And those mere points of time
when the confines of the waking world
blend with the world of dreams.
And so I captured this fancy
where all that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

-Edgar Allan Poe

A Blood Splattered Night

2009-02-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

--Warning, This is a graphic and true story-- Not for children or the faint of heart -- Seriously. If you are disturbed by some of the suffering that occurs in this life then do not read this. --

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I don't know exactly what happened last night but I will tell you as much as I can and fill in the blanks as best I can. I think my guesses are correct.

It was 3am and for some reason I woke up. Not sure if I woke up then woke my cat (Ditto) up, or if he woke up then woke me up. Either way we were both up at 3. Well, as it always happens, if we get up in the middle of the night he wants to go out. I walked out on the porch to see how cold it was, and approving of the temp, I let him out.

But something didn't feel right and before retiring back to bed I took a look out all the windows. I am not sure if I heard something or if I simply felt something. But looking out the front window I saw a very big dog just standing at my front fence and looking into my yard, very quietly. This was one of those dogs that are bred to fight, big jaws, strong shoulders, and it was trailing its leash like it must have gotten away from somebody. And it was a hunter, I could tell by how quiet it was. I figured he either spotted or smelled my cat and that's why he was looking in the yard.

This sent off some alarm bells and I went out on the porch to make my presence known to it. Yup, wearing pajama bottoms and no shirt. It was about 15 feet from my porch on the other side of the fence and I glanced over to my left to make sure the gate was closed - which it was. Then I waved my arms and called to it in an attempt to shoo it away.

The darn thing was spooky as it just slowly swiveled its head and looked at me. Our eyes locked and I saw a dull blankness. There was a lifeless sense of no concern like the thing was a ghost and I didn't matter. Yet there was something there that I can't quite put my finger on. The duel lasted several seconds and I took a step forward, spoke to it more and waved my arms more.

It just looked at me, then decided as if it were really not anything at all, to trot off down the street. I watched it as it passed my gate, continued down the street then around the corner.

Once I was sure it was gone I went outside and called Ditto. He came running and we both retired for the rest of the night.

The whole scene with the dog reminded me of a scene from the old version of the movie "The Omen". It was rather chilling.

Anyway, I woke up around 5:30 for good and started my morning routine, getting the coffee going, putting on my jogging clothes and checking on my email when around 6 am while I was pouring my first cup of coffee I heard what I could swear was a gunshot, which was followed by what I am sure was several angry barks from a dog. hmmm.....

Shortly after that I see flashing blue lights through the mini blinds and taking a peek there are several police cars parked with their flashing lights on. Several officers are discussing something.

Finally after all that clears I am ready for my run so I leave the house and the first thing I see as I hit the sidewalk is drops of very red blood. I walk down the street further and follow the trail around the corner where it gets worse. The drops and drips went on for quite a ways and I stopped following the trail so I could cross the street and head to my usual running spot. When I returned from my run I grabbed my camera and took some pictures.

The whole incident got me thinking about a lot of different things.

- Things happen in the world around us that we don't know about. As we sleepwalk through our days and nights there are a billion interactions going on. It's kind of strange. We are all one yet we are all separate, yet we are all one.

- There are things that happen that are bad, and things that happen that are good. I won't go as far as to say good and evil but this might be the correct interpretation.

I had a moment with that dog. Maybe it had a moment with me too and I am not sure about that. But I sure had a moment. Maybe it was the dull stare, the pure emptiness, or the knowledge that its number was coming fast.

You know, when my son died, he and I, and the rest of the family, went through this horrible three week ordeal where he was constantly assaulted without stop, and he resisted stubbornly until capitulation came and he eventually, and inevitably knew his time was close. He simply knew.

I think it might have been the same with the dog - he simply knew his time was close. I felt it and he felt it.

- Another thought about this whole incident is the thought about this dog coming into my life for a brief moment. Did I, and my cat feel this? Did we sense the danger and or the impending death? Or did my cat just see the dog outside and wake me up. I don't know. I can't really remember how it all happened. But I do know that there are things in this world that are difficult to explain.

- Maybe I misjudged the dog and I could have saved it? Maybe it was perfectly tame and I could have taken it by the leash and brought it in the house. Dunno, but it didn't feel that way.

Wouldn't it be great if some wise old man just handed you the answer?

2009-02-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

It hasn't happened to me, and well I am not saying that it happened to anyone but I want to tell you a story out of one of my favorite books. The book is called "The Art of Looking Sideways" and it's not a novel. It's more of a creative, thinking resource for seeing things. This is a big book and I have been slowly savoring it for a couple of years now. It's not something you rush through.

Anyway here is story by the author that crosses two pages of the book:

" I was working on an exhibition about the creative discoveries and technological inventions of the twentieth century. One day an unsavoury disheveled stranger suddenly barged into the studio, said he'd heard about the project, wanted to be involved, slapped a diagram down on the table, and shouted at me, 'that's what it's all about,' and left. I never saw him again. This is the diagram. Maybe he was right?"

This is an interesting image and if you want to examine it more closely I have a bigger version posted to my website here: The Chart of Meaning

Follow the Feedback to find the answer

2009-02-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

The most important part of any system is the feedback. This applies to everything from a corporation to a society to a machine, a computer, an ecosystem and simply every system. This feedback is necessary to keep the system running the way it is meant to run. A poignant example of this is a favorite project of mine (it's not my project, I just mean that it is a project that I am following). It is the project of the clock of the long now. It is a clock that will continue to mark time for ten thousand years. And it will give a different series of chimes each day for these ten thousand days! It is quite a human endeavor and a wonderful way to think about time. But the real purpose of me mentioning this is that in order for this clock to stay on time for 10,000 years it has to have some kind of a feedback system that will keep it in proper step. This clock will use the position of the sun as feedback to stay in sync with its goal which is to count and chime the days accurately for 10,000 years. (which is 3 million, six-hundred and fifty-two thousand and five hundred days.

Ok, now I have made my point about feedback and now we can apply this to the mystery of life, the universe, the creator and the whole kit and kaboodle. The universe is replete with examples of circles within circles that mimic each other and follow the same rules. So, is it so far-fetched to think that the biggest system, the grandest system, the system that wraps around all other systems, also uses feedback? It seems to make sense to me.

So, to find the answer you have to figure out what the feedback stream is and follow it back to the decision maker that makes adjustments according to the information provided by the feedback.

An argument against this:

Well, you might be saying that the whole system is perfection and perfection requires no feedback. And this is true, a perfect system would require no feedback because nothing needs to be tweaked, modified or changed - it is perfect. But to this I would say couldn't feedback simply be another part of the perfect system?

If you have any thoughts on this let me know and if you have a hunch or idea about what the feedback stream might be let me know, we could trace it back to the source of all.

What there "Should" Be

2009-02-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

If you really try to clear your mind and give it some thought you come to the realization that there should be absolutely nothing. And I don't mean the nothingness of space or the nothingness of a vacuum. I mean absolute and utter nothingness. There are no words that can describe what should be. Void? nope. desolation? nope. Emptiness? not good enough.

When you have a complete and utter nothingness there is absolutely nothing. So from there we can have no impetus for anything. No impetus for thoughts, things, stars, creation, candy apples, postcards, or grape vines.

Impetus is something and you can't get something from nothing. Yet.........

I can't deny that I am pretty sure there is something. It's actually quite remarkable, miraculous, spectacular, awe-inspiring, humbling, and mind boggling -that instead of a big nothingness (Scratch that, I can't use the word "big" implies a size of nothingness and nothingness is nothing; there is no size).

And, the remarkable thing about this lack of nothing is that the something is so beautiful in its variety and in its intent. It really boggles my mind.

Just sit down for a minute and think about what is instead of what should be.

If you can feel it you will come to understand why I am on my quest. Why is there something? What is the meaning of it? And what is the purpose of it -this lack of nothing?

Another look at my brain

2009-02-13T05:18:00.000-08:00

So where is this mysterious thing?

2009-02-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I had a cat-scan of my head done. It was an interesting process and I brought a camera with me. I had the tech take pictures of me inside the machine and it was pretty cool. He laughed. I also requested all the results from the scan and the software to run it. I got all that stuff and it's pretty cool. I can scan through my brain looking at all the different levels and well.. its rather baffling, intriguing and interesting.

So this is the machine that changes the world? Or is this the translator that translates the world into something that I can understand. Or is this is the thing that gathers information, changes it into electrical impulses, then assembles it into concepts.

Anyway, What I really wanted to say was that if you ever ask a person to point at themselves they invariably point at their heart. Yet if you ask a person where their soul is they invariably point to their head. Interesting.

Well, I took a really hard look at my brain scan and I couldn't find a soul. Not even a hint of one. But then again what does a soul look like? Here, you take a look and let me know if you can find it.

This is a screenshot from the scan of my actual skull. Am I, the thing that is I, the I that I am, In there somewhere?

A Quote that will stagger you

2009-02-08T06:39:00.000-08:00

I spent a few quiet hours yesterday reviewing my TSFTMOL notebooks (TSFTOMOL = The Search For The Meaning of Life). I was looking for new patterns and paths; and I ran across one quote that I had jotted down that gave me pause to think. It's very visceral and it hits you like a blow to the solar plexus. Thing about this quote is that I didn't note where I got it. So, it's not mine, and I don't know who wrote it.

I have some thoughts about this quote but I am not going to give them to you. I just want you to take a few minutes and think about it and draw your own thoughts and conclusions about it. If you want, comment about it. But I am probably not going to comment. (I would love your comments, particulary because they won't be influenced by my thinking).

Anyway here is the quote:

"Time is an efficient killing machine."

TickTock

2009-02-05T05:01:00.001-08:00

The Exact Location of God

2009-02-03T04:16:00.000-08:00

Okie, Now the title says "God" but you know what I mean. I am talking about the force that through the green fuze shoots the flower, the singularity, the prime mover, the creator, the one, the thing that is all - you get the picture.

I am going to explain to you my theory of exactly where this slippery fellow is but first I of course have to make some assumptions; 3 to be exact:

assumption 1: that there really is a "God"

assumption 2: that Einstein is right about relativity and time

assumption 3: that everything goes in circles (?) more on this

Okay, here is my explanation and theory on the exact location and how we can find him. Get yourself a snack or refresh your coffee because this is going to take a while. - but if you want to know then stick with me.

First lets talk a little bit about time. (assumption #2)It is pretty much standard accepted scientific fare that the faster you go the slower you experience time - in relation to something else traveling slower. The old adage is that if you have twin brothers and you send one on a rocket ship going at a speed approaching the speed of light and he returns to earth after a year in his own life his twin brother will have aged decades. This depends of course on how fast the space traveling twin was going. Ok now my point.

We are going pretty fast right now. We are on a planet that spins pretty fast, something like 1,000 miles per hour at the equator. And the Earth itself is rotating around the sun at about 67 thousand miles per hour. Not too shabby. Now you also have to consider the fact that the sun, towing its little planets, is also traveling in a big orbit within the milky way galaxy at around 486,000 miles per hour, and of course the milky way itself is traveling through space.

Now, before you start analyzing my numbers don't worry about them at all -they are really not important. What is important that you see that we are moving pretty fast. And that means we are experiencing time at a rate. And this is important. We are not experiencing time at the rate of rates or the real rate. It is a relative thing and we experience time at the rate we experience it. And who knows, maybe some of these wheels within wheels that we are spinning within are speeding up, slowing down, changing speed - and what does that mean? That we experience time at changing rates. Pretty spooky or awe inspiring depending on how you look at it.

Now lets move on to assumption #3 and tie it in with assumption #2

As far as I can tell everything moves in circles, electrons move around the nucleus, the moon around the earth, the earth around the sun, the sun around the milky way, And the milky way is part of a cluster of galaxies that is "probably" revolving around something else - something bigger.

So let me make my point. Everything in the universe is spinning around something. It's just one big spinning thing and toward the outer edges of this time is moving pretty darn fast because that stuff is moving pretty fast.

Lets picture the whole universe as a single galaxy so I can make my point. At the outer edges of the entire universe we move prettty fast and we experience time pretty fast. What happens as we move closer to the center of this rotating universe? Time slows down right? Okie, what happens as we move even closer? Time slows down even more right?

Okie dokie, what happens when we get to the very center of it all? The place where there is no motion? The exact center around which everything in the universe revolves? Well, there is no time there. Time has stopped, but not in a freeze frame kind of way, in a way that means time is all time yet no time. The total experience of all time is in that no time. The complete experience of all time is in that space that has no time. Get what I am saying?

And it is in that very place that God is.

Update on what's coming and what I am thinking about

2009-01-25T05:03:00.000-08:00

The wheels are ever turning and looking over my search for the meaning of life notebook I realized I have a lot of themes and ideas

to explore. Here is a short list of some of the things I will be covering in the near future.

Essays: I have several more essays coming:

The Operation Instructions

A Video called "Inside the Box"

Venus over D'angelo's

The Plasticity of Time

Resonance

Separating the I from the us

Are we being lied to?

"A" truth versus "The" truth

I will be covering a lot of ground and this week I plan on taking a trip to boston. As an aside to the real reason for the trip I am planning on stopping in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts to take a look at a painting by Gauguin called: "Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?"If they allow pictures I will take a picture of it.

Endless loops and the Happiness of Sisyphus

2009-01-22T05:02:00.001-08:00

I have a definite fascination with Sisyphus and I am even envious of his plight. I will explain the envy at the end of this soliloquy.

Thinking about the plight of Sisyphus gives me an overwhelming sense of irony. First off there is the whole repetition of his quest which is a circle within a circle - that goes on forever. From here you have to start thinking about Sisyphus and how he relates to you and me. The metaphor of him doing his meaningless task on and on is obvious and has been well covered by Camus as far as how it relates to all of us. Is this really what we are all doing? Rolling a nonsensical rock up a hill over and over?

But, lets ask some questions about Sisyphus. The first and most important question is: Is he happy?

That alone starts us on an absurd cycle of further questions. What is happiness? Is there a happiness? Or is there "the" happiness. Is happiness defined by the person? Or can people fool themselves? What the heck is happiness even? A chemical response? A charade? a malleable and ever changing thing?

See what I mean, It's like the typical exploration of anything philosophical. The more you ask the deeper the circles go and the less you realize you know... kinda ticks me off because it feels like I'm rolling a rock up a hill.

Anyway, About Sisyphus and why I envy him.:

At least he knows why he is doing what he is doing.

Socrates, Einstein and Now

2009-01-16T14:29:00.000-08:00

Odd Title but let me tie it all in.

Socrates was famous for walking through the streets and asking questions. He saw the people of Athens as living only for money, power and fame. Through his relentless questioning he tried to get them to examine their lives; the why of what they were doing.

Ok, now Einstein. And I can sum up the right impression with a quote from him:

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed". - Albert Einstein

Now the Tie-in:

We are all stuck within inches of the skin of this remarkable and frail little blue planet. Its quite an enigma and quite the mystery; while the universe spins on around us every direction forever. we are bombarded every day by rays of wonder, amazement and astonishment. Yet we don't seem to notice. We too often tend to just continue the ant march following the same paths every day, doing the same things and chasing after the same meaningless things.

I have a task for you:

Roll up your sleeve and look at the inside of your wrist. Watch the veins as they pulse with blood and life. It's absolutely astonishing. It's a little thing we seldom think about but it is part of the schema that surrounds us. Take a little time out from your day today to think about the mystery and the riddle and the enigma and the puzzle and the conundrum and the why of it all.

The funnel

2009-01-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

I was thinking the other day about the possibility of people having spirits or souls. Well, this got me to thinking that there is quite a large number of spirits or souls traversing across the living mesh of this planet.

I thought it would best be described in a picture:

Now this is just a visual metaphor for the concept that I am talking about. You and I don't really see the spirits and souls flowing in and out of the mesh of life on earth. But it is something to think about. And if this is really happening then why?

Some interesting stats about life/death About 150,000 people die every day and 350, 000 are born every day. Its quite a large number of spirit souls isn't it? Well of course I haven't really verified those facts but here is a very interesting site with some mind boggling statistics. Click on the daily button The World Clock

Beginning and Ending

2009-01-15T17:52:00.000-08:00

Is is true that everything that has a beginning, has an ending? Its a concept. But is it true.
Let's take a look at life, mine, yours, everybodys.

As far as I can tell I had a beginning. And before that beginning there was nothing. So if the beginning/ending theory is true then I will truly have an ending.

Here is the real question, the one we can't seem to know: Is the ending of this simply the beginning of something else? And of course that leads us to think that this beginning we are in now is actually the ending of something else. Is there an endless chain of beginnings and endings?

This just brings me to a thought about the big bang theory. If it is true that the universe began, then is it also true that it will end?

Thinking about "Free Will"

2009-01-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

Free Will is really big when it comes to philosophy (and religion). But I have to say that I am skeptical about it.

Here is the typical philosophical conversation:

"Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?"

"Because we have free will, that is a gift given to us, and it is up to us to make the right choices."

I think this free will stuff might be an illusion. Let me explain why.
Free Will, by necessity means knowing all the facts about a situation. There is no free will if you don't know all the options.

Here is an example: (Pretty much a metaphor for life I would say)

You wake up in a labyrinth and you see lots of corridors you can go down. So you get up and start walking. There are plenty of corridors and you get to choose whichever one you want. But is that free will? Do you know what is down each corridor? Do you know the goal? Do you even know how you got there? Do you know what the goal is or where it is? Or if you even want it?

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope and nope. You don't know any of these things. So how can it be free will that you are engaged in? You are making decisions based on nothing.

Heres the nutshell:

If I don't know how I got here, where I was before I got here, why I am here, or where I am going after I am here then where is the free will?

Philosopher in Meditation

2009-01-07T03:08:00.000-08:00

This is a painting by Rembrandt. It is called "Philosopher in Meditation" and it is one of a series of paintings Rembrandt did on the subject of philosophers. Now the remarkable thing about this painting is that it captures more than just a philosopher in meditation. It is a commentary or speculation by Rembrandt himself on the very same issues that philosophers think about. The symbolism of many things in the painting are very clear including the light shining on the philosopher from the window, the curved staircase that goes both up and down, the figure stoking the fire in the lower right and the circle that is almost in the very center of the painting. Of course the over abundance of darkness is also very important.
If you have any thoughts or comments on this painting I would love to hear and/or discuss them. -Will

My Second Biggest Fear

2009-01-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

In the previous post I discussed one of my biggest fears in my search for the meaning of life. It was pretty easy for you to interpret and it pretty much can neatly be summed up in a couple of ways. First off, and the best explanation, is running in circles. The hero in the story is doomed to run in a big circle forever, never getting even one inch closer to his goal, yet he is standing on the goal all the time.

This second fear is a little more visceral and I think even more tragic. You see, the first fear implies that there is an answer and I just don't know how to find it. I don't have the tools or I am going about it the right way. That's kind of tragic but this second, to me, is worse:

The second fear can all be summed up by A comic from the 70's "Flip Wilson" . He had a character named Geraldine that had a few different funny one liners. The most famous of which was "What you see is what you get!"

Therein lies the angst. Is it possible that Geraldine is the greatest of philosophers and it comes down to "what you see is what you get"? This is traumatizing for me. Will I, we all, return to that place we inhabited before consciousness - nowhere? Is what we see all we get? Is there no more?
It evokes a certain sadness to think about an absolute end to the self.
A geraldine video: Fast forward to about 2:05 if you want to hear the famous line.

My Two Biggest fears about the search for the meaning of life

2008-12-31T08:35:00.000-08:00

The first fear comes from a novel I read many years ago. It was one of the Larry Niven RingWorld Novels although I can't remember which.

To explain the fear I have to first explain to you what ringworld is.

The ringworld is a ribbon about 100 miles wide that circles all the way around its sun. It revolves to give gravity and on the sides of the ribbon are enormously large walls to keep everything contained. The walls extend up into the clouds. This next graphic shows you what I mean. The image on the right is the ringworld around its sun. Everything, including people and creatures live on the inside surface of the ring.

But here is the interesting thing about ringworld. If you are on the surface of the world you can see the ring far off in the distance as it curves. You can follow it up then back down the opposite horizon. By looking at it you think that it is some kind of structure far off in the distance that crosses the entire sky. But actually its just the ring you are walking on. SO, if you walked toward it you would never actually get to that structure sticking up in the horizon you would just be walking on it.

Now the Fear

There is a heroic character in the novel who has made it his life quest to walk to the structure jutting up on the horizon. He has been doing it for a very long time and will not stop until he gets there. Also, he is taking life extending drugs which extend his life into the thousands of years. SO he continues to walk.

It's a tragic quest for understanding, and it was doomed from the start. Yes there is a structure sticking up on the far horizon but yet there really isn't . It is beyond his ability to comprehend.

So, where does that leave me? Am I on a tragic quest that just can't be known? Is it simply beyond my ability to understand? Dunno, but I do know that my quest is my quest and I will continue.

Okie, That first fear was traumatic enough. I will give you the other fear in a future post.

An Insight into my Why

2008-12-30T02:49:00.001-08:00

I have talked to so many people and everybody is semi interested in the subject; the why and how, the rhyme and reason of it all. I have had many lively discussions that pretty much end up the same. They all quickly flip back into their every day things and I stay rooted in my quest wondering why "we dance around the circle and suppose while the secret sits in the center and knows" -Robert Frost

I don't know why it is such a burning desire in me to know but I can give you an example that shows you. It's a dream I had.

In my city we have a beautiful library. It was built in the 1880's and the back section with all the books is made of glass. The floors and ceilings are glass and all the book racks are glass. It is quite beautiful. I have spent many hours of my life in that library just carefully browsing over everything. I have found some interesting things that I will tell you about in future posts but for now let me return to my point.

One night I had a dream that I was in a library that dwarved all other libraries. It was enormous. I was standing between two glass rows of books and the racks extended very high up and far off to the horizon as far as I could see. This was just one row, there were many other rows.

I was overjoyed at all the knowledge and all the things I would read and learn. Then a thought crept into my thinking. No matter how long I lived, no matter how much I read, I would never even scratch the minutest portion of these books. A great sadness came over me and I wept. And I woke up from that dream weeping and continued to weep. Why is it that there is a great unknowing?

Over the years, with much reflection and much thinking I have come to terms with this failure to know everything by focusing on just one thing. The meaning of who we are and why we are here. I have been dancing around the circle supposing but I am trying to move closer to the center that knows. I believe that all those things to know pale in comparison and are after all just musings from other dancers - thus, just stuff.

Upcoming posts:

-Today I go for a scan of my brain - it might be interesting or it might be dull. I am hoping to get a glimpse of the inside world but in the back of my head I know no insight will be gained. The machine does not see souls or thoughts. It just sees stuff. Anyway I will give my thoughts.

- I will be posting my matrix of meaning at some point. It is all the variables to the quest that I have found so far.

- I am currently reading the Tibetan book of the Dead and I will let you know if that lends any insight.

- I will also be telling you my two greatest fears when it comes to the quest I am on.

Postings on the meaning of life

2007-06-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

I have not posted to the blog in a long time. Not because I have not been searching for the meaning of life, only because I have been posting elsewhere. I have a network of websites that I own and maintain and well, if you are still searching for my search then maybe you should try one of my other sites:

The Philosophers Garden

Darkness - A search through words, pictures, and one life

About God or Not

2006-12-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a radio show and the guest was speaking about his book on God and Religion as a biological function.

His theseis was that God, religion and spiritual experiences of all types are simply chemical reactions in the brain. It actually all made a great deal of sense.

He says that the thing that makes humans different is their self awareness. It is this self awareness that has made us so special and so able to survive and thrive. Self awareness is the trait that allows us to say "Darn I am cold so I should do something like make a coat." Whereas all the other creatures would have to wait eons for thicker coats to grow.

It's a good point.

And from this awareness of self comes the horrible realization that self will soon cease to exist. And it is from this angst of knowing we will die that we have biologically evolved a chemical neurological sense of god and religion. I would imagine that the bloodlines that have evolved this trait have been more successful in life and therefore are the bloodlines that thrive and survive.

All of this makes a really good sense but there seems to be one hole in the whole darn thing.

What about the absolute mystery of this existence we live? This incredible mystery of the should-be-nothingness that is actually the is-all-everything?

Can't reason that one way with chemical I would say.
Will
Want to travel with me on my quest to find the meaning of life?
The search for the meaning of life continues

Galileo's Dad

2006-12-06T12:19:00.000-08:00

I play classical guitar pretty much every day and I have a lot of books and sheet music. Yesterday I was going through the books looking for a new piece to learn and I stumbled onto a simply amazing piece.

It is called Saltarello which is an italian dance step in a peculiar three step rhythm. The thing about the saltarello dance is that even though some of the music still remains we don't have any record of how the dance was danced. It is lost in the past.

So I am playing this piece of music that is 500 years old (Galileo himself lived from 1564-1642) and the thought occurs to me about the nature of this existence we live. Isn't it amazing that there is this thread that passes through all of us throughout all the centuries? Galileo's Dad lived his life, he loved, he pursued his passions and he wrote a piece of music that lives on 500 years later.

To you my web visitor: I hope you do the same as he did. Live your life, love everything about it and pursue the things that you are passionate about.

Play the Saltarello and while it plays get up and create your own dance - it is believed to be two steps then a hop! Live your life like Galileo's Dad. Life is too short not to dance when you can.

Saltarello
PS : If you were to ask Galileo's dad how fast the past 500 years went by I bet he would say they passed pretty quick.

Well, the next 500 are going to go pretty quick too. Don't waste them.

A Great Quote by Mark Twain

2006-11-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

Mark Twain had a remarkable way of seeing the truth in things and expressing his point with humor.

This quote is humorous yet so very insightful and I am going to expand on it.

It is true that we are all mad, and it is also true that we are all blind. Does anybody actually know anything for sure?

In the quote he says that life stands explained.I think that what he means is that life is unexplainable, and a madness - something only the mad could understand.

The mystery remains yet the madness continues.

Keep searching

Kurt Vonnegut, Cats Cradle and The Meaning of Life

2006-09-29T16:20:00.000-07:00

The First Book
Warning from title page: Don't be a fool! Close this book at once! It is nothing but foma!

Verse 1: All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.
Verses 2-4: In the beginning, God created the earth, and he looked upon it in His cosmic loneliness.

And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what We have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was man. Mud as man alone could speak. God leaned close as mud as man sat up, looked around, and spoke. Man blinked. "What is the purpose of all this?" he asked politely.

"Everything must have a purpose?" asked God.

"Certainly," said man.

"Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this," said God.

And He went away.

About the Book The Seekers by Daniel Boorstin

2006-09-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

I started into this book with high anticipation. Maybe it would lend me some insight into the meaning of life. After all it goes through some of the great people throughout history. People like Socrates, St Anthony, Aristotle, Kant, Descartes and more.

But I was surpised to see that none of these people really looked for the underlying meaning of existence. They all looked for making sense of life through the world that they lived in. True that all of these figures brought about change in the way the world thought about the world but not in the way that I seek.

some of the bios were interesting and some of them dragged on for too long. Boorstin explained the ups and downs of their lives, the political maneuverings, where they lived, what they did and so on. This all proved the premise that each persons viewpoint on life was shaped by the circumstances in which he lived. And that left out the underlying search for the real meaning of our existence.

I took extensive notes from this book so I could further look into some of them. Here are some snippets.

Socrates - The unexamined life is not worth living
Aristotle - Obsessed with the notion of the changeful world of motion and the unmoved mover (God)
St Anthony - The first hermit the the virtues of the simple life
Herodotus - the father of history, he changed myth into history
Descartes - What path of life should I follow?
John Locke - Sought a definitiion of teh limits of human knowledge and postulated that from experience all knowledge is derived
Hegel - The World Spirit

Hebrew Prophets - reached upward
The Greek Philosophers - Reached inward
The Wheel of Samsara - Life-death-life
The Spanish-Arabic Averroes - There is only a single mind in which all souls participate.

If you would like to help me in my quest to find the meaning of life consider buying this book. Thanks :)

a quote

2006-09-01T14:11:00.000-07:00

found a great little snippet from ALbert Schweitzer's The Philosophy of Civilization

Only when we are able to attribute a real meaning to the world and to life shall we be able also to give ourselves to such action as will produce results of real value.
Great thought and I don't want to comment on it. Just let it roll around in your presence for a while. Funny abuut this book. I was methodicaly going through books at the public library looking for something that would help in my quest. This book is so old the embossed title is rubbed right off. So it sat in the shelf nestled between two other books. I passed right by it to examine some other books that looked more interesting but I thought better of it and returned to pull it out. I didn't want to miss one single opportunity. This is how the search goes. I have to be careful not to overlook anything.

Funny how the library check out card is still in its sleeve in the back of the book. The little red stamp shows that the last time this book was checked out was June 3 1964.

Heartbeats and Bedposts

2006-08-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

I was laying in bed last night and it was such a beautiful evening. The window was open and everything was so very quiet except for the gentle rustle of the curtain.

A small sound came to me as I lay there. It was a tick,tick........tick,tick

I lay perfectly still and concentrated on it. It was coming from under the bed near the wall. I lifted my head and it stopped so I lay my head back down again and it started again. Determined not to lose it again I just lay very still and listen to its tiny ticking sound. It sounded like a little piece of wood gently flicking against another piece of wood like a gentle and quiet clicking of a fingernail.

I tried to understand the rhythm of it. Why was it tick, tick.......tick, tick. It was kind of like a heartbeat. And in thinking this I turned my focus in toward myself and listened for the beat of my heart and what I thought was happening was really happening. The gentle beat of my heart was shaking the bed just enough so that where the bottom of the bed post was touching the baseboard on the wall it was grabbing and releasing and with each grab and release it made a tiny ticking sound.

My heart beat on gently and the ticking sound continued until I fell asleep.

It was a set of circumstances that just came together perfectly. A motion that was probably no more than a thousandth of an inch was transformed into a sound that beat with my heart.

I wonder if there is a way I could do this to the whole world. Could I somehow transmit a gentle ticking sound of love from my heart to everyone? If I did, would anybody hear it?

There should be a great nothingness

2006-08-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

There should be a great nothingness. A neverending nothing that takes up no space and no time. Not a blackness but a nothingness.

Yet there is something. We see and feel it. We are here - inexplicably.

THere is a reason why. It is my quest to find this reason.

Darkness

Maybe its a puzzle who's pieces need to be gathered

2006-08-09T12:41:00.000-07:00

I am convinced that nobody knows the answer and this has been a roadblock to me. I have been almost paralyzed by the thought of traveling and meeting people, going to special places and discovering that nobody knows any more about the answer than I do. This brings me to a nihilistic place. Why should I bother to travel and ask? When I already know the answer is "I don't know"? Oh, there are plenty of people out there that will tell you they know the answer. But they don't. If they knew the real answer we would all know it. We are all just staring at shadows in the cave.

But this thought has occurred to me. Maybe there are a multitude of answer-fragments out there. And maybe I need to gather them up and put them together correctly to see the answer.

maybe

A songbird sings a thankyou

2006-07-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Under my kitchen window I have a nice little garden section. It has a bird bath, suet and lots of flowers. Several days ago I was hard at work editing my latest novel when through the open kitchen window I heard a bird sing a song. It seeped into me while I was working and without even realizing it I said "You're welcome" to the bird.

After I said this I snapped out of my work and realized what had happened. The bird found my little spot and really liked it so it sang a song of thanks. Something inside me realized what the song was and acknowledged it. It was an amazing experience and something that could never be forced consciously.

Sometimes I have to fight the urge to scream at the world: "Open your eyes and see the true, open your ears and hear the true." But it is something that can't be made to happen, it just has to happen.

Lack of tools revisited

2006-06-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

I was watching a special about police dogs and they showed this one test where they took a dog to a stadium that holds three thousand people. They gave the scent of a man to the dog. One the previous day there was a baseball game there and the man had sit in one particular seat in the stadium.

It was the challenge for the dog and it's owner to find out what seat the man sat it.

Think about this. Three thousand people were there yesterday and the man sat in one seat.

Well the dog found the exact seat that the man had sat in. This boggles the mind.

This is something that I, as a man do not have the tools to do. Plain and simple.

Is this also the case with the search for the meaning of life? Do I simply not have the tools to do it? -Maybe so.

the scent of the man was there all along and I as a man had no idea. Is the answer that I seek right here in front of me? Yet I have no idea?

This brings up another possibility: If I cannot find the answer is there a tool (like the dog) that I can use to find it for me?

On the lack of tools

2006-06-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

I am forever wrestling with the fact that it is quite possible I do not have the tools to understand/comprehend the real answer. It may simply be beyond me/us. Something that cannot be grasped in our current form and capability.

Even within my own language of English there are strict limitations. After all, my thoughts are formed and guided by the languages I speak. What if there are no words for the answer? What if it can't be explained or understood with the tools I have?

Let me give you a little example. Here is a word in portuguese that has no translation in English:

saudade

If my language has gaps in its ability and is limited within the realm of normal human experience and expression how will I be able to use it to understand something that seems to be outside the normal range of human experience?

The search for the meaning of life continues

Between

2006-06-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

I was in that place between the waking world and the sleeping world when a thought came to me.

What if the meaning of life were also searching for me? What if all I have to do is make myself known to it so it can find me?

What do I do to let it know that I am here?

Misguided Brilliance

2006-05-30T15:58:00.000-07:00

This is a copy of a post from my blog called misguided brilliance. It is very relevant to the search for the meaning of life so I copied it here. Gives you something to think about.

Misguided Brilliance - What is it?I used to work at a very peculiar company. It was very progressive and very successful. Many millionaires were made from this company. It hasn't been around very long.Anyway, one of the things that makes this (high-tech) company successful is their ability to attract amazing people. After all it is the people that make any company.

Ask anybody with Merger & Acquisition experience and they will tell you that the product almost doesn't matter. If you get the right (talented) people you could sell anything to anybody.

This company was a triple shot of good fortune. They had the right people and they had the right product and at the right time. Needless to say they skyrocketed in value and size.

Back to the story.

I was sitting in a meeting, at a large oblong table with a dozen people at the top of their game. we were discussing strategies and plans of action. In particular we were focused on the A53-173b product. (Note that this isn't the real product. I made this number up. But it doesn't matter. It's all the same.)
Ideas were flowing freely amongst the group and I was amazed at the brilliance in the room. Really. I'm serious here. These are some smart people. And a thought hit me like a thunderbolt.
Why were they spending this brilliance on the A53-173b product?
Why don't they apply this brilliance to something that really matters? Next year the 173b will become the 173c and the b will be long forgotten. If you extrapolate this a bit then next century all of this will be a silliness.

Why do we spend so much of our brilliance on so much that matters so little. Why don't we spend it on things that really matters?Why is our brilliance so misguided?

Somewhere in the past we made a wrong turn and have been following the wrong path all this way.Misguided Brilliance will look into the past and find out where we went wrong. I will stand at the fork in the road and point you to the right path.

more coming, come back

Help with this question

2006-05-28T17:12:00.000-07:00

I caught a snippet of a tv show on pbs. It was some kind of a travel show and the host was somewhere in South America (I believe) He said that the people who lived here believed that we are all living life in a dream. This is their true belief.

Do you know who these people are? I would like to add them to my quest.
send me an email: willkalif@comcast.net

The dream of a cube

2006-05-28T17:05:00.000-07:00

I had a dream that a man showed me a multi-colored cube that swirled and moved. He told me that the answer I sought was inside and all I had to do was look. I didn't. I awoke and spent the rest of the night and the following morning making a cube that looked/felt like the one he showed me.

I first drew it on a sturdy piece of thin cardboard so it could be later folded into a cube. Then I painted it flat. As it was in this flat shape and waiting to dry I thought that I will fold this piece of flat into a shape and inside will be nothing.

I fear that the problem with the cube and the quest is that even if you have the courage to look all you will see is the shadow.

I will allow you to see the cube I made Darkness

Release bottle messages

2006-05-03T05:13:00.000-07:00

I will put messages in bottles asking about the meaning of life and I will release them into the ocean. I have a friend with an ocean worthy sailboat. We will sail out into the atlantic and release them. I don’t expect a serendipitous event out of this. After all will my message be found by someone who knows the answer to the meaning of life? But it is something I have to do.

See more progress on: Release messages in a bottle

steg ti rehtruf eht yrt I redraH ehT

2006-05-03T05:09:00.000-07:00

The Harder I try the further it gets.
I have been reading a lot and researching the meaning of life and it's discouraging. There is so much material to sift through. I keep hoping that I will find a gem that will set me on the right course.
I keep getting these recurring thoughts that interrupt my search:

Maybe it isn't meant to be found. Maybe it has to come to me

Sometimes I think that there is a way to titrate it down -cut it in half; then cut it in half again and again until eventually it all comes down to one syllable and that would be the answer to the search.

It sometimes feels like there is no answer, or it simply wasn't meant to be found. I just find it so hard to believe that this is all a meaningless accident. There should be a great nothingness -there should be even less than a nothingness. Defining nothing implies something. But there is something We see and feel it all around. How did this happen? and has it really been going on forever? And on into forever?

I remember this great quote from Carl Sagan "If you want to make an apple pie from scratch you have to first create the universe." Staggeringly deep. I wonder what he is doing right now?

Beethoven's Fifth and the Meaning of Life

2006-05-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of artistic pursuits. I draw, paint, play classical guitar, and write among other things. One day I was reading a book about being an artist. It about being a traditional artist in the sense of using paint and palette. One line in the book struck me. It was something like this: An artist uses his medium to express things that can't be expressed in words.

This statement is actually quite profound. We are, after all, verbal creatures. Verbal communication is at the very center of what we are. But artists transcend this.

It got me thinking about the various art forms and how they can travel toward each other. So a thought hit me. Is it possible for me to write a piece on the guitar that expresses the color blue? It's an interesting thought.

That thought lead me further along and I began to wonder about this thought in existing music. Has anyone ever composed a piece that probes into the question of the meaning of life?

Beethoven Did; and it's one of the most recongnizable pieces of music that ever existed. Who can't hum that four note motif; dah, dah, dah, dum.

I am not going to give you a long essay to prove my point. Besides, how well could I do it? It goes back to my earlier point about an art form expressing something that the word cannot express.

Let me just leave you with this: In the middle of the first movement there is a stunning oboe solo

A peculiar dream

2006-04-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

I had a peculiar dream the other night. I woke up during the dream and in the real world I willed myself back to sleep so I could continue the dream. I did continue the dream and at some point I discovered I was in another place/state. I moved between the other place/state, reality, and the dream world easily.

THis is hard to describe but after I awoke and I reached for my writing pad and I tried to explain.

There is another place/state. It is not sleep and it is not awake. Nor is a a place in-between. It is a different place. Maybe I can return there and gain an insight into the meaning of life. How you ask a question depends on what state you are in.

My 43 things list of things to do in my quest

2006-04-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to thing about how to keep my quest organized. I have a lot of things to do in my search for the meaning of life. So I started a 43 things list. it is located here:

43things search for the meaning of life

First quest?

2006-04-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about what kinds of things I will do in my search for the meaning of life and maybe I have found my first sojourn. It is a short sojourn and it revolves around a painting called: Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going? It is by Paul Gauguin and it is being kept in the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston Massachusetts which is within reasonable driving distance for me.

Wikipedia has an excellent explanation of this painting:
The Painting at Wikipedia

A little about Gauguin: In 1891 he sailed to the tropics to escape the european world and as he describes it "everything that is artificial and conventional" He wanted to find a simpler life "where he could live on fish and fruit."

Here are two interesting quotes by Gauguin:

In order to do something new we must go back to the source, to humanity in its infancy.

I have tried to make everything breathe in this painting: belief, passive suffering, religious and primitive style, and the great nature with its scream.

The search continues

Proof of God

2006-04-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

Every day we are surrounded by this amazing and awe inspiring thing we call life. But for the most part we are blind to it. Busy making money, paying the bills, watching tv, dealing with the little things that consume us.

The complexity and the sheer scope of it all is enough of a proof that there is something beyond us and we will call this something beyond us God -not as an old wise man with a grey beard, but as a force that brought everything into being.

Proof for the skeptic

Now if all of this isn't proof enough for you - You might say it is just a series of things that happened, or it is a grand coincidence, or evolution or whatever you want.

God knows you would think this and he created something to convince you of his/her/it's existence. -- The eclipse ---

God created a moon and set it in motion around the earth in exactly the right place and distance so that it would exactly cover the disc of the sun. This is no coincidence. It was done on purpose. It is part of a language that god uses to speak to us.

What is he trying to say? He is saying: I am here and here is the proof.

Join me in the search

Book Review and thoughts about "The Alchemist"

2006-02-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

I was driving through some countryside that I hadn't gone through before and I spotted a book store that sells used books. I made a note of its location and a few days later I made a special trip out there.

Something like this is always a wonderful event for me. Little bookstores like this often hold serendipitious events for me.
It was many years ago that I discovered a tattered copy of the hobbit in a bookstore just like this. And this was before anybody ever heard of the Hobbit. It wa also in a bookstore like this that I discovered Dostoevsky and Watership Down.

Combing through the stacks I came across a book that was on my list for a long time: "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. I took this as a good omen and I bought it.

There is a small irony about this book and me. I had asked for it as a christmas present from someone and they gave me the wrong one. There is another popular book called The Alchemist. I read that one but it doesn't compare. That one is pretty much just a run of the mill fiction work. Interesting and fun but not what I am looking for.

Back to the real Alchemist.

It's a good book, simple and short and with a great theme and idea but it suffers the same affliction that many of these kinds of books suffer from, books like Illusions by Richard Adams and even The lord of the rings.

Let me explain. THis book has a mysterious, seemingly all-knowing character that appears to our main character as he sits on a park bench. Hey there's something new.
These books always seem to have this kind of character that sets our hero on the path he must embark on.

Well, that's all fine and good but it doesn't do me, or you any good. In real life there is no character like this. So how am I to embark on my quest to find the real meaning of life? Beats the hell out of me. It would be so simple if some Gandalf, or King of Salem would come and show me the way -show me even a glimmer of the way. But there is no Gandalf.

Every single one of us here on this planet is standing in a cave and looking at shadows on the wall. Every single one of us.

Will
The Search Continues

Book Review - The Call by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

2005-10-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

I just finished The Call: Discovering Why You Are here by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
and it is a wonderful book.

There are some wonderful scenes in it and beautiful little things about life and about Oriah herself. She is truly an unusual woman and a seeker of truth.

But as far as the title of the book goes the book itself doesn't answer any questions at all. It doesn't help you at all to discover why you are here.
It is just a tome on one woman's angst in this crazy world we live in and her battle with what she sees as contrasted with what she feels.

Overall the book adds some nice threads to the tapestry of my search for the meaning of life but it doesn't bring me any closer to my goal.

The search for the meaning of Life

New interface to the meaning of life stories

2005-10-26T16:42:00.000-07:00

I have designed a new look for the meaning of life stories. The stories used to be in a simple text list format and it had no pizazz.
I have created a visual interface where you can get a sense impression of the stories by looking at a picture.
It has a really nice feel to it. The stories are interesting and short.
Here is a thumbnail of the interface:

You can check it out at The search for the meaning of life website

Will

Mandala

2005-10-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I was looking at a big beautiful mandala and I noticed that it was broken in spots.
A person from the corporation asked me if I wanted them to fix it.

steg ti rehtruf eht yrt I redraH ehT

2005-10-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

Maybe it isn't meant to be found. Maybe it has to come to me
Sometimes I think that there is a way to titrate it down -cut it in half; then cut it in half again and again until eventually it all comes down to one syllable and that would be the answer to the search.
It sometimes feels like there is no answer, or it simply wasn't meant to be found. I just find it so hard to believe that this is all a meaningless accident. There should be a great nothingness -there should be even less than a nothingness. Defining nothing implies something. But there is something We see and feel it all around. How did this happen? and has it really been going on forever? And on into forever?
I remember this great quote from Carl Sagan "If you want to make an apple pie from scratch you have to first create the universe." Staggeringly deep. I wonder what he is doing right now?

The search for the meaning of life continues in darkness

If you have the answer I would love to hear it.

Sometimes it's hard to stay on the real purpose

2005-10-11T09:32:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I had the power to control them, I could turn off the TV or listen only to public radio. I could get a pop up blocker and ignore them in magazines. But no matter how hard we try they still manage to get inside. It's what they do. They spend all their time figuring out how to do it.

I was working at the computer when a big truck pulled up in front of my house and parked. The whole room went dark and for a second I thought there was a total eclipse or something.
I had to snap a picture of this. It just seems to be an apt metaphor for the world we live in. They are everywhere and they are vying for your attention. It leaves you so little time to think for yourself... It is so hard to stay on the goal and to see the path when everything around you screams for your attention. After a thousand times of them telling you how to think it starts to take hold..

The Search for the Meaning of Life

Sailing and questing

2005-10-11T08:13:00.000-07:00

I have a friend with a beautiful sea-worthy sailboat. He is going to be making an attempt to do a solo trip across the Atlantic real soon. He has stocked the boat with food and is doing all the maintenance things he has to do. I wonder what it is that drives a man to take on a challenge like this. I
have been tempted to ask him to take me along but a part of me holds back. What about the bills, the house, the cat. Funny how these little concerns seem to be more important to me than the concern that a cross-atlantic sail can be a very dangerous thing. Are there other things in life that we are the same way about. Worry about the things that you really shouldn't worry about and meanwhile the big things go almost unnoticed.

One Man's Search to Find the Meaning of Life

Addendum to last post

2005-10-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Go to this website and you will understand what I meant in my previous post.
http://www.anzwers.org/free/universe/index.html

When The Ants go marching in

2005-10-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

I heard somewhere that the galaxy takes about 20 million years to make one rotation. I wonder how many rotations it has already made. And I wonder how many more it will make?

I have a lot of Angst about the world we live in. I am always troubled by the way things are. I always have this nagging feeling that we are on the wrong path. Life wasn't meant to be about cubicles, quarterly reports, 401ks, quick vacations to Aruba and finding a good auto mechanic.
This morning I sat down at my desk and spent some time paying my bills then I went for a walk to the mailbox.

I have to admit that even though I border on being a Luddite I do love the mailbox. We have to give credit to Benjamin Franklin for this among other things. The mail system is a remarkable machine that allowed us to communicate across time and place. I don't think this is true any longer the days of people actually putting together long letters of thoughts and ideas is long gone. We live in a world of immediate gratification, sound bytes and blurbs.

Back to my story
I took my bills in hand and went for a walk to the mailbox. Along the way I spotted this candy bar being systematically disected by Ants. My mind quickly traced through a familiar path.
The first Thought Stop was this: "Look, another example of the rampant consumerism and manufacturing industry polluting the world. The little things add up. Why don't people care enough to at least throw the trash out in a way that it will be handled correctly? Are we lost because we don't care about the world anymore?"..

From here I looked closer and I moved on to the second Thought Stop.
There were ants all over this thing. They were joyfully feasting on the sugar and the chocolate. There were hundreds of them and they were doing what they were meant to do -clean up the world.
Thought Stop 3: It's a shame, I thought to myself , that there wasn't a type of Ant that could seal up the ozone hole, or a type of Ant that could reduce Global Warming, Or even a type of Ant that feasted on Automobile emissions.
Thought Stop 4: We are doomed. This is going to all come crashing down. We will pollute the Earth, use up the oil, drop nuclear bombs or whatever. But eventually it will all come crashing down.
Out of this pessimism a new thought stop wiggled its way into my mind.
Thought Stop 5: Won't Mother Nature take care of all of this? Just like she always has. Won't there always be Ants and the such to clean up the mess?
Let's spend a little more time on this Stop.
First of all let's ask the question "What is Mother Nature?"
Is she in the woods? In the Rain Forest? In the trees? In the Earth? In the Solar system? or even the galaxy? Yes she is in all of these things -and more. She is in everything and part of everything.
Just the smallest part of her takes 20 million years to revolve once; Has done it many times and will do it many more.
Maybe it is silly of us to try to change things. Or even to get Angst over it.

Will is on a quest to find the meaning of life

One possible answer

2005-10-02T20:09:00.000-07:00

I have been rolling the question around in my head a lot lately and a lot of iterations have been popping out but here is one that came to me while I was on the border between sleep and wake.

Did you ever give a gift to someone?
I mean really give a gift?
It had nothing to do with you looking good or you spending the right amount of money.
What did you want out of this gift? You probably wanted the recipient to simply enjoy it.
That would give you great joy. There is a simple beauty to this.

What if this is the meaning of life? What if there is a "Higher Power". And this higher power bestowed upon us this gift of life? What would this higher power want from us - in other words what would be the meaning of life?

Maybe it would simply be for us to enjoy it.

First Post to New Blog

2005-08-22T12:42:00.000-07:00

I will be transferring my materials on the Search for the Meaning of Life from other blogs to this one.

I have created this blog in conjunction with my websites:
www.stormthecastle.com
www.tsftmol.com
www.castlefiction.com

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